Hey, Lisa! I know the feeling about having been through enough to write a book. I've been told I should write a book for about 8 years now, and the hits just keep on comin'! But for some reason, I have to wonder if my life would really be that interesting to people outside my circle of friends, ya know? Overcoming adversity: It would be a great topic, I guess, but a pretty common one. Oh well. I'll just stick to the boards for now.

I went to the library and checked out your book suggestion; I'd heard of it before, so it must mean I need to read it. The one caverna suggested isn't available at my library, so I'm thinking of ordering a few books from Amazon. I'm going to list the few I ran across that look interesting and had good reviews, in the hopes that some of you have read some of these and can say yay or nay to them. Here's the list (and hold tight after that, 'cause I have a question about something):

Infidelity: A Survivor's Guide (Don-David Lusterman)
After the Affair (Janis A. Spring)
Repairing Your M After His A (Marcella Weiner, Armand Dimele)
Surviving Infidelity (Rona Subotnik, Gloria Harris) *recommended by caverna
Patterns of Infidelity and Their Treatment (Emily Brown)
Affairs: A Guide to Working Through the Repurcussions of Infidelity (Emily Brown)

Okay, here's the $21 million question (though if you answer right, you don't get $21 million ): Would you guys consider my sitch as being infidelity? Here's why I ask: In everything I've read on the subject so far, the offending spouse generally has the A while M. Yeah, mine was obviously contemplating sleeping with OW while he was with me -- he had that 40-minute call to her a couple days before he left -- but it appears he actually left me to be with her. Is that really infidelity? And will any book that you guys know of actually address an A *after* the H has left? Is it *really* considered an A at all, since he left me first?

I guess another reason it doesn't feel like the "normal A" is that my H's blaming *me* for ruining our chance to reconcile because I was the "manipulative bitch" who walked in on him and OW, knowing what I was going to see.

Hmmm. I dunno. It seems to me that in most cases of infidelity, the offending partner feels guilty and wants to actually work on the M -- even if s/he also wants the OP. Mine wants out. Period. Or at least he does right now. So I'm just wondering if any book on infidelity is going to apply to my sitch.

And BTW, I'm also planning to get some books on healing, so please don't assume I'm "stuck" in trying to figure out the problem. This is just how I am. I like to get into the minds of all kinds of people, and that, in turn, seems to help me.

That being said, any feedback on whether the infidelity issue actually applies to my sitch at all would be greatly appreciated.

Now, Becca ... that *sucks*! But I'm glad you found out what the problem was. I seem to be having a swelling, bloating feeling going on right now in my stomach, too. Wonder what that is??!! Don't eat anymore cereal. Capeesh??