Wow, Sassy. Thanks for sharing! That actually makes me feel better. Soon after my H left, I went dark for about three weeks, then "ventured out" by asking him to change my oil. That was right before Thanksgiving. Then I called him one night and asked if we could take the gloves off and talk for a minute. He had just served court papers on me to get me to move outta the house. I had a nice, long validating conversation with him. That's when I told him that what he was doing was hurting me, that I knew he must be hurting too to be able to serve papers on me, and that I was sorry for the pain he was feeling -- or something along those lines. (That was per the advice of, like, one of the wisest DBers I know.) And it worked like a charm!! I just knew it wouldn't 'cause H was spewing venom at me from the time he left until I went dark. The whole "I hate you," "It makes me sick that I'm gonna be sharing a child with you," "You're the biggest f--kin' bitch I've ever met," etc. etc.

But when I called him and made that "validating" comment, he said, "My pain isn't your fault. You didn't do this to me," and "I don't see how you could ever want a relationship with me again after what I've done to you."

It was beautiful. And that's what led into our three-week session of reconciling last month. He would pop in and out, started coming back to our Sunday night "family nights" with the girls and me, changed my lightbulbs in the house, etc.

Then the OW bust. . I still think that was classic.

Anyway, that's a long version of me telling you, Sassy, that I've been reading through your threads, and it sounds like you and I are a lot alike. I guess I'm not too surprised that you would have handled the initial bomb the same way I did. And we'll see how my drama plays out over the next few months ... then we'll compare so we can advise our new DBers whether to initially throw themselves at the feet of their WASs -- even if it's a forced thing -- or just give them space right from the jump.

Hey, we're all guinea pigs, right?? Thanks again for your post.