Holy cow, caverna ! Thanks so much for sharing. You know, many people -- including my C, I believe -- have said they've seen this same sort of thing happen time and time again. The H's are freaked out about the responsibility of the baby, feel cornered and just panic. Then, when the baby's born, they realize it's easier to handle than they thought, and they "snap" back into it.
This baby is my H's first, and he really didn't want it. Though he did send a lot of mixed messages to me. When I first started thinking I was preggo, I asked if he was gonna be mad -- 'cause he knew I kinda wanted another one, and I knew he kinda didn't -- and he said, "No, I wouldn't be mad at all. I'd actually be kinda happy about it." Of course, he was drunk that night, too.
My H had been mentioning over the past two years how old he was feeling. He's very active in extreme sports, and it really bummed him that he couldn't do what he used to -- or at least he didn't feel quite like he used to after he was finished. His knees started aching, and he bitched about it non-stop. On his past two birthdays, he was in a horrible mood, and refused to let us celebrate. I thought he was kinda joking about it, but maybe he wasn't...
And when we talked about having a baby, and especially once we found out we were having one, he really started freaking about the financial responsibility. I didn't even know how bad it was until after he left, and my girls came to me and said, "Mom, maybe he's just scared. He was telling us the other day that we were going to be poor, and he didn't know how we would afford the new baby." Which is hogwash. We live comfortably. But I think it was terrifying for him....so he dumped it all in my lap. Very classy.
Again, thanks so much for the book reference. I have it on top of my list for my next trip to the library.
Hey, ka_zump ! I'm glad you came back by. I love how you put this:
Wonder why, toss around theories, find humor in the outrageous things H does, but in the end realize you are just guessing and the answer is not that important to the overall story.
It's a deal! Sometimes, because I handle things with such "strength" (that's at least how most folks perceive it), when I start to question things, it seems like I'm being weak or backsliding or freaking out. I can certainly understand how anybody could reach that conclusion. But the fact of the matter is that I find it fun to speculate, even though it does me absolutely no good. I love tactic and strategy. I love trying to figure out people and their behaviors and their motives. I really think that has helped me in the longrun -- or at least I think it has helped get me to the point that I can be strong while my life is really kinda crumbling to my feet.
But I also don't mind having my feet held to the fire at times, so please feel free to do that!
I've wasted a lot of time and misery agonizing over my sitch, and I was hoping to get you to "let go" a little sooner than I did (if I in fact have yet).
Ugh. I'm sorry to hear that for you -- and for me. I want so badly to be "done." I want to feel differently ... yesterday. But the feelings ain't over 'til they're over, are they? If there was only some magic pill ...
Well, in my case, there might be. It's called childbirth.
Again, thanks so much. You've been a good help to me -- and have stuck with me -- through the ups and downs of this sitch. I really value your input.
On a different note, I went outside tonight after dinner. It was dark, and the garage was all lit up. I freaked a little. H moved somewhere -- still don't know where. He didn't call to let me know he would be here. I walked close to the garage and called his name. He responded. I told him he scared the sh!t outta me. He asked why, and of course I told him that I didn't know he was gonna be here. Geez. He's no flippin' rocket scientist now is he?
Anyway, I told him that I had meant to call him at lunch to tell him there were some of his favorite leftovers in the fridge -- just in case he didn't want to spend money by going out to lunch. He was nice and said, "Okay, thanks."
A couple hours later, I was on the phone with a friend and heard H pull off.
And that was that. I really am kinda laughing about this, because it's beginning to get a little funny. I mean, even a semi-friend would let you know they're here, and would likely let you know when they're leaving. He just avoids the hell outta me! I wish you guys were closer so I could ask if I stink or somethin'!
