You know what? I think it's just fine if you can't find a place in your heart for your H right now! Eventually you may get to a point where you do have room for him, but you need to worry about YOU and the baby. Right now your H is doing his best to piss you off in every way. That makes it next to impossible to keep an opening of r him! Go dark and give him the idea that he may not ever have a chance with you - do like bigAl said and have *fun* like it's going out of style! I've done some bad vengeful things that I know aren't the "right" thing to do, but it has made me feel better. I did take his toothbrush to the toilet, so everytime he brushes his teeth I laugh and smile I know it's wrong, but is adultry right?!?
I love Ellie's idea too! You are in a position to ask for this, for the safety of your baby AND the added benefit of making them feel like crap! I think it's a great idea!!!
Right now you should do things that make you feel better. I wish you were in Ohio b/c I would get you some of our famous Graeter's Ice Cream It's so good even Jessica Simpson has it shipped to her! Have you had any ice cream cravings???
I love how supportive you guys are! Thanks to each of you. I actually checked with my sister, who's an RN, and she said my midwife wouldn't be able to get OW's medical records, but she could find out if anything is in her records that's "reportable," such as HIV and possible Hepatitis B -- if OW had ever been tested positive.
But you never know what I could do just to make them sweat. Then again, on days like today, I just feel like saying screw it. In 6 months from now, none of this will matter. I'll have my baby, I'll have the option of living the life H is now living, and I won't be in love with him anymore.
I know that sounds cold and vicious, and probably pretty egotistical, but it's true. It would be different if H was giving me any indication that he's remorseful or feels guilty about what he's doing. But not only is he not acting that way, he's practically rubbing his A in my face. It's a question that can't be answered, but: Why? Why does he feel the need to pi$$ me off? Why is he so emboldened to carry on this life, right in front of my face? I don't get it. But I don't get twisted people, I guess.
PF, I know exactly what you mean about the integrity of the OW. I thought the same thing. Okay, so she'll spread her legs for somebody else's H, but I'm supposed to believe she's a good, clean, little girl?? Whatever. H knows I'm not stupid. Right now, I think he's just taking advantage of my seemingly very vulnerable position. I don't have much confidence in myself right now. Not only did my H apparently leave me for another woman, but he did it when I'm pregnant!!! Oh well. Keep reminding me, guys: Only four more months. He's gonna have no idea what hit him.
P.S. Andrea, no ice cream cravings yet; just olives and the like (yak!) I actually found out yesterday that I lost 4 pounds in 4 weeks. Ugh. I've gained less than 2 pounds total, and I'm 21 weeks preggo. My midwife said she isn't worried, though.
Quote: Why? Why does he feel the need to pi$$ me off? Why is he so emboldened to carry on this life, right in front of my face? I don't get it. But I don't get twisted people, I guess.
The million dollar question babe...went through the same thing in my sitch...Dave came right out and said I want you to feel the pain that you made me feel when you made me leave that night. So he always brought ow around in my face...blah blah...but I somehow found this inner strength in me that God knows where it came from...and I was able to just ignore it and let it go.
I surmized it up as he was in so much pain that it was easier for him to redirect his pain and anger at me than to face it himself. He could say ah ha...see if I can piss her off then I am justified in what I am doing...funny thing is that I never gave him just reason...and then he would just angier, both he and ow did because I wouldn't be a part to their games...Still to this day he comes crawling when he needs me because she can't be there for him...and then the rest of the time silence...oh well...it's part of the guilt and pain for him to deal with...I've worked through most of the stuff and the grieving process and am getting healthier every day...as are you from your threads...You're gonna be one helluva mother!!!
Quote: I love how supportive you guys are! Thanks to each of you. I actually checked with my sister, who's an RN, and she said my midwife wouldn't be able to get OW's medical records, but she could find out if anything is in her records that's "reportable," such as HIV and possible Hepatitis B -- if OW had ever been tested positive.
Yes, but THEY don't have to know midwife doesn't have that legal right! Just tell H that midwife is asking YOU to get a copy of the test results. Make them sweat!!! Make her look bad to H because she won't give him a copy, or make her feel guilty as she copies her test results to give to you. DO IT.
As for the rest - WASs will often be totally angry and inappropriate with the LBS - because anger is guilt turned outward. If he were to acknowledge what he was doing right now, he'd have to see how crummy he is. So, he provokes you instead. Don't take the bait.
Quote: As for the rest - WASs will often be totally angry and inappropriate with the LBS - because anger is guilt turned outward. If he were to acknowledge what he was doing right now, he'd have to see how crummy he is. So, he provokes you instead. Don't take the bait.
Words of wisdom right there for all of us that have been put in that situation!!
Quote: I've done some bad vengeful things that I know aren't the "right" thing to do, but it has made me feel better. I did take his toothbrush to the toilet, so everytime he brushes his teeth I laugh and smile I know it's wrong, but is adultry right?!?
I just spit soda out onto my computer screen.
Love it.
Hang in there PG. Your love and support can be here.
Plus it will be an opportunity to find out if she even did them at all and him having to ask for them and explain why....priceless. I totally think you should do it. Heck, you could type up a fake formal looking request for test results or something, lol.
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SAS, I'm totally selfish in saying so, but I'm so glad to know that somebody else has gone through this. Of course, I wish nobody had to go through it, but thanks for sharing your wisdom now that you have.
I've taken the bait once, I think, and that was it. I'm still trying hard not to go into the darkness with him. The biggest part of me just wants him out of my life completely. If he's going to be this way, I'm much better off without him. It will all come in time, I suppose. I just wish he'd move or something. I wish he wasn't in my face all the freakin' time.
I'm going to mull over the test results issue and see if there's something brilliant I can come up with. You guys are soooo sneaky! I love it!
Thanks, again, to all of you for stopping by ... and especially for your words of encouragement. You have no idea how much that means. Your support puts sunshine in my otherwise dreary days.
Ahhh. I've always said that anticipation is far worse than reality. It's good to know that held true even last night.
I had been dreading New Year's for the longest time. It was one of our favorite holidays (H & me). Last year, we were in NYC. Being preggo this year, I couldn't drink myself into oblivion, so I knew I'd be sober and depressed. And I assumed in the meantime that H would be out having a great time, and worst of all: Kicking off the New Year, making dreams with someone else.
The moment got the best of me at around 7 p.m. last night. I was sad, though I wouldn't say the feelings overwhelmed me by any stretch of the imagination. And at midnight, I tried to make myself feel that way again, and I just couldn't. Very strange. I mean, I missed him. I was sad he wasn't beside me. But I didn't cry, because I didn't feel the need to. He was doing whatever he was doing, and there wasn't a darn thing I could do about it.
Today, I've tried to realize a few things. Yes, it would have been nice to have gotten a text msg from him, a call, something to wish me a Happy New Year. He knew I was dreading the holiday. He probably assumed I was very sad. But then again, who knows what he was thinking? I didn't text msg him or call him, either. Yet, I was sad and certainly thinking of him. It's possible that he thought of me, too, when the clock struck 12 ... even if he *was* with OW. And who knows whether he was or not? I've been out of town for the past four days and have absolutely no idea what he's been up to during that time.
My mind started drifting this morning, to thoughts like: "Hmmm, wonder if he didn't call me because he knew it would make me suspicious of him being OW? Wonder if he's just trying to hurt me?" But then I realized that it's truly not about me. He's probably not doing much of this to hurt me -- he's doing it all for himself -- though at times I do think a big part of him hopes I'm hurting. And I really don't understand why he feels that's necessary.
I guess something I realized last night is that while the last half of 2005 belongs to my H, in this game that our M has become, the last part of 2006 will belong to me. So he kissed OW last night, if he did? I'll be giving birth to his son this spring.
And I don't know what that means. A big part of me wonders if he's gonna try to come back home once my baby becomes "real" to him. He's the one who said (back in the good ol' days, when we were working things out) that he didn't want anything other than a complete family for his son. He's the one who said he couldn't imagine a life in which he had to pick up his son every other weekend. Of course, two weeks later he was saying, "F*ck that kid." I don't know how he's gonna react, and it really doesn't matter. But it's fun to speculate.
OW may have his attention now, and that's okay. I would argue that there's a pretty good chance that I'll have it in four months. Then again, maybe not. And that's okay, too. Because once I spit this precious baby out, my life begins...with or without H.
I know it's wrong, but is adultry right?!? 
It's so good even Jessica Simpson has it shipped to her! Have you had any ice cream cravings???