Quote: Totallymessedup: I think her feeling enough to cry over the end of what you have may mean it's not the end. From all I have read it seems like the apathy and THEIR detachment is a worse thing than conflict and emotion towards you. The theory being that so long as they are engaged with you, then there is a chance to work through whatever is causing the bad feelings.
I think that is a good theory. Our counselor is doing her best to keep us engaged and talking about the bad feelings. Her goal being to get as much of them out of the way to where W might begin to see the good again. She sees OM as a distraction - a place W can go when she wants someone to give her positive feelings.
I hope this is all correct. It was this statement that took me by surprise last nite:
Quote: I wish you had done something 5 years ago so I wouldn't have to go through this now.
This is the first time she has indicated that the changes I made TODAY could have saved our marriage if they had been done 5 years ago.
IN the past 90 days she has said:
"I need to find myself, I can't be married any more"
"You and I have finished what we were meant to do together, time to move on"
"This was going to happen someday, I should have done this 5 years ago when I knew I wanted to"
"I met my soulmate, words cannot describe the feelings I have..."
And now... "I wish you had done something 5 years ago so I wouldn't have to go through this now.
Why that? I mean if it was 'inevitable' and she met her 'soul mate' then she could care LESS what I did or did not do 5 years ago that would have PREVENTED this from happening now, right? She would be more likely to say "Well, this is part of the process so I might as well get used to it" or something like that.
And, she had to tell me repeatedly that it is now 'too late'.
In the heat of emotion, we tend to say what we are really feeling.
