Quote: But he said I should use the technique "Act as if" described in Michelle's book. I am not a good actor but you have to act as if the actions that your W is doing is not as big as an issue that you feel in the inside.
On page 219 in the 'after the last resort' they say a similar thing as I suggested except more drastic. "Tell them you've had enough. Tell them you are letting go until they can decide what they want." etc...
The suggestion I made was more gentle. Essentially Tell her to go and figure it out and you'll be waiting, or not.
You are at a standoff and changing the balance of power often breaks a standoff.
The DB coaches are but one of many opinions. You have to decide what YOU can do and what fits your situation. By all means DO follow them if you think it fits your sitch.
What I suggested had some results for ME - it made W have to consider that what she is doing is not going to keep me hanging forever. She did NOT go to OM and has had to resolve the conflict in her as to WHY she did not go. She is finally in therapy.
Do what works for YOU, but when you ask for OPINIONS don't take someones comments that YOU didn't agree with or understand and throw it back in the persons face as in "Upset the sea saw"?! as if they were stupid for saying it.
It's insulting. We are all here to help each other. BUT we are also responsible for listening to the opinions we get from others and deciding which one fits OUR situation. And for being respectful of those opinions.
I hope everything works out for you. The DB coaches are very good.
By the way, if anyone was wondering, you can send me e-mail at platinumweasel@yahoo.com if you have something to talk about that you want to remain private. Don't worry, I can take abuse too! My wife is a professional since the aliens got her!
