Hey frank, You have some golden opportunities here to turn things on their head. First is this comment;
Quote: Yeah, she gave me the 'are you dating because if you are that would be great' line. I told her that wouldn't happen for a couple years because I know that I am not in an emotional place where I COULD be in a relationship. Of course, SHE is in that place isn't she? She couldn't be in a relationship with me, how could she have one that is healthy with someone else?
Your W was fishing for info here and you gave her way more than she needed to know. You can still take what she said and use this to your advantage. What I would have done was to repeat what she said, showing her you listened, and then agreed with her. Now what you can do is bring up the topic again, agree that "yes I sholud start dating". Then, that very evening, get dressed up and go out. Tell her you are going out nothing more. It will drive her crazy. She said go out and date, so just do it.
As for this GF of your W's, try and figure out a way of using her to your advantage; this is going to take some thought. Your W was, or is, angry because she cant get to Conn. to see OM. Show her you empathize with her and show compassion, use the pity thing here to add sicerity. Tell her how sorry you are she cant go, do it with feeling, and its easier if you pity her. Then tell her if you could find a way for her to go you would. In fact actually get flight info and give it to her. Tell her to take all the time she needs with OM. Also, find out why OM cant make it to CA and work on this, but with compassion and feeling; pity her. Combined with the dating thing, she will go crazy. Remember, if she starts to argue, just agree and validate. Always have pity for her out of love. This will make it so much easier. Especially when you see how well this is going to work. Your goals are to 1) show her that you feel for her in her hour of need 2) you are so understanding and just want to help 3) you dont need her to be happy. Once she sees these things, the OM will toast. Ahhh...and another thing to start is to plant seeds of doubt in her mind about OM. Say things like "Hmmm...I wonder what he is doing tonight." Your W will answer and you say "Well if I was him I would be ______". Then turn around and go out on your little "date". Leave her to think about it. I guarantee this will drive her crazy. This will probably result in her becoming very snippy, but thats ok, thats what you want. Let it slide and dont get caught up in the moment. Just agree and validate. Look for opportunities to feel pity and console her in a loving way. She will eat it up. Go for it Frank .
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