W came home tonite about 7 pm from visting her %@^!%@ girlfriend overnite. GF was kind enough to give her a travel guide and map of Connecticut, where OM lives. This GF is a real loser who never liked me and is ecstatic that W is 'in love' regardless of how the kids or me feel or if it's Adultery.
Anyway, from the minute she got home W was a pain to talk to or deal with, very angry about something. I will GUESS it's because she can't go see OM because she can't afford it and he isn't coming here to see her for whatever reason. She probably talked about him at length with GF. Whatever.
So, she goes into D15's room to say hi and comes donwstairs all pissy and says D15 is being 'snippy' to her. I ask how is she, and W tells me 'just her attitude when I asked her to do something'.
I went to talk to D15 and she asked me if we could go for a drive and talk so I say OK. I tell W that we are going and she glares at me. Great.
D15 tells me al W did was tell her to do a bunch of things 'like she was acting like my mother, but she was talking to me like a teenager would and had NO respect for my opinions'. Ok, I'm sure D15 was also acting like a teenager and I told her to be respectful of her mother. She says 'How can I when it's so clear she doesn't want to BE MY MOTHER, she want's to be somewhere else and do something else. (D15 doesn't know about OM who lives far away). She want's to 'find herself'.
She says she would like it if we could just split up the household now, and W could go live by herself and do whatever she wants to do. She has had enough of W acting like she really doesn't want to be here any more. I kind of feel the same way, we'd be better off if she would get out. Go live with OM in CT and have a nice time.
She says it is so obvious that W has checkout out of our relationship and marriage and even her family. Now I know some of this is just teenager anger but she is pretty intuitive.
We talked about a lot of things that we'll have to deal with 'when' we divorce and I told her I wasn't going to be dating for a couple years. She said 'I don't worry about you Dad, I worry about MOM dating'. I didn't ask her what she meant but I think I know.
Earlier D10 had an emotional breakdown because she thought W wasn't coming home. I ended up taking her to the park for a couple hours and spent a lot of quality time with her. Told her Mom was not going to leave her, and neither was I. She felt a lot better and when W came home later she was a little clingy.
I told W about this later and she said 'why didn't you call me on my cell so I could tell her I was coming home?" I said 'D10 knows your number, if she wanted to talk to you she would have called you. This was about her worrying that some day you'll leave and never come back. She needed more than a phone call, and I spent time reassuring her and talking to her about all that's going on.
W: Well you should have called me. You would have wanted me to call you if this was about you.
Me: No, I would have wanted you to comfort her and help her through her feelings.
W: Well I want you to call me next time.
Me: ok.
She never asked me 'what did you talk about' or anything else. Just 'why didn't you call me'. All about her.
Man, this sucks having to deal with a 10 year old, a 15 year old teenager and a 37 year old teenager. It's all I can do to hold ME together when I see her friend helping her to see OM. D15 knows that 'friend' doesn't like me but has no idea about the rest. And it's so hard to not tell her that the reason W is down and unhappy is because she can't go see her boyfriend and it irks her. She thinks it's because of her anger at ME and that W doesn't want to be a mom any more.
Eventually she will find out about OM and W will be dead meat.
I really couldn't talk to W after the kids went to bed. Just didn't want to any more. I probably came off as a little angry but I did my best to be neutral. I'm sorry but I just don't like her because she is hurting my kids. If she was a NORMAL woman getting a divorce she would be more sensitive to their needs, but she is just as needy.
I am so tired today. The emotional stuff with the kids really weighs on me, but it also helps my detachment because it makes me a little angry at W and then I pity her. The only way she could do anything about our problems was to run away to someone else. Then I fixed every one of MY problems but she has now become the problem.
If space aliens have her, they are sure messing with us a lot.
I really wish she would go away. D15 would be fine with me and between her and I we could keep D10 feeling loved and happy. Maybe after she get's some real time with OM she would see that the grass is DEAD there. Oh, but wait, she CAN'T go live with OM, he still lives with his EX girlfriend he recently dumped because he can't afford to move out on his own. So he says.. Oops! But wait, he's going to MOVE WEST in less than a year! Woo Hoo! Is this love or is this love!?
ok, I'm being mean.
I have no idea how W will ever get me back if she ever decides to. I look at her as being a bit of as jerk and ridiculous. Oh, and don't forget slut or whore for sleeping with OM.
So, detachment here I come! Don't care, be aloof, no problem. She doesn't want to be here ANYWAY and the kids know it. The more I focus on THEM the better I feel about ME. And the worse I feel about her. She used to be a great mom, the best. Now she is barely there emotionally.
Oh, I meant to mention this because someone pointed it out to me the other day. W didn't ask for Separation and D in person, she called me from her cell phone and told me she changed her mind about 'working on things' and wanted a Divorce. Pretty cowardly.
