Quote: Eric, I don't think your history is as bad as ours was. Although eveyr time I look at it I just see a depressed husband who drank later at nite to get rid of his hurt. Not a guy who drank, got mean, yelled at the kids when he was drunk, pushed his wife around. Whenever she DID yell at me I felt like crap. Is this a man who is abusing his wife?
So Eric, what do we do
And, I am a Scorpio. We want to win.
Frank, it's probably all relative. I think we were both pushovers and drowned ourselves in different ways. I didn't drink, but became so involved with work due to the constant nagging, ctiticism, etc. I didn't know how to stand up for myself. What your W might be latched onto in the EA/PA is the excitement of it. I suspect that is where my W is. She too would call me a "great provider, father, etc., etc." but that we just became roomates. She's right. And the frustrating thing is that she as seen the changes, but cannot get past it. The OM's in our case are selling a bag of crap to them about how they would never "treat them like that", they A&V the hurt like we CANNOT - even if we do it as well as the OM does - which we do! In my sitch, my W will be happy for a little while - I still think this will be a flash in the pan. The OM for me is divorced too so it's clear to me he knows how to be successful in M. Right! Like you, being a good father and provider and MAKING the changes I have has NOBODY except I think one "new" (not the OM) friend in agreement with her. She is unfortunatly also surrounded by some people that are D'd and they seem to think everything is fine - It is superficial and BS. My hope therefore is that the "pressure" of having nobody on her side, the difficulty of getting down to see OM (she needs to go after work - middle of the night) and supporting herself on her own will cause her to start nagging, etc. the OM - it will happen. Just a matter of time. It's a pattern with her family and this is where I pity or sympathize. I get angry too because she'll split up a family figuring it out. But for me, this helps with the detachment. She NEEDs to see the other side of this. She needs (and WILL) see me moving on in the next couple days and weeks and she will lie to herself about liking it. And if I am there when the paths reconnect, I'm there, if not....I can sympathize again but know that I tried everything but have built a new and exciting life for myself.
Further insight to the W. Wrote it in my posts, but here is the pattern of hurt her family has put themselves throught. Her M&D split when she was 8 and it was ugly. I saw first hand that the feelings that still existed between her M&D up to the day that her D died. There was anger still there, but I could see it was covering real regret for what both had done and the love that was lost. Funny. Her sister got married and after about 7 years D (initiated by her sister). Her sister's ex has moved on and her sister has, sort of, with a bit of a loser. She has expressed to me several times, that she misses her ex, regrets what happen'd etc. and is now having a real HARD time moving on - financially and emotionally. Funny again? So now here comes my W - will it be third times a charm? Have to wait and see...
This is tough - I just posted my "journal" for yesterday and I am astounded how intertwined was the word I used on how are lives with our S's are. Detachment is a b'tch. Hardest thing any of us will be through. I like Keyster's suggestion and I have tried that from time to time as I have been getting angry lately.
Hope that helps....written as much for me too..
E
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
Like you, being a good father and provider and MAKING the changes I have has NOBODY except I think one "new" (not the OM) friend in agreement with her. She is unfortunatly also surrounded by some people that are D'd and they seem to think everything is fine - It is superficial and BS. My hope therefore is that the "pressure" of having nobody on her side, the difficulty of getting down to see OM (she needs to go after work - middle of the night) and supporting herself on her own will cause her to start nagging, etc. the OM - it will happen. Just a matter of time. It's a pattern with her family and this is where I pity or sympathize. I get angry too because she'll split up a family figuring it out. But for me, this helps with the detachment. She NEEDs to see the other side of this. She needs (and WILL) see me moving on in the next couple days and weeks and she will lie to herself about liking it. And if I am there when the paths reconnect, I'm there, if not....I can sympathize again but know that I tried everything but have built a new and exciting life for myself. 
