Quote:

Piglet2:
I understand your pain and disgust. If you can truly detach at this point and not allow her actions to deposit more of that, you'll be in a better place to work on the M when you get there. .... Just anything to distance yourself so the pain, anger and hatred don't consume you.



That's MY biggest problem. To detach I have to get angry and it comes across in my attitude. If I'm in a 'nice guy' place I want to hang around her and be nice, but then I get hurt or she sees me as needy. What the heck do I do to make it work for me so I am 'nice enough' when I do talk to her but not angry when I am detaching? That makes it really hard for me to create 'new, positive moments' with her.

And Why am I doing this again? She has made me the bad guy in our whole life. Even though our Counselor can show her how she failed to 'help' me when I was in my bad place, it was still MY BAD PLACE, not hers.

When she gave her listing of things about me she appreicated they were all centered around me taking care of the family, finances and being a hard worker and she was genuinly grateful for me. So, if I'm so great why does she focus only on the stuff that 'scared her'? I NEVER threatened her or hurt her in any way. Never.

She just doesn't care any more. I hate living with her while she plays this high school game.



Quote:

Eric_S
You and me are at *precisely* the same point in our DB journey I think. We will endure, as better people and someday as better spouses if the path we choose is different from our W's today. But, that doesn't mean those paths don't reconnect. But we MUST start down the path, for ourselves, our children and even in some way for our W's.

I'm ready for the first steps. You with me?




Yeah, I know, I Know. We are in a similar place, at least My W CAN'T 'see' her OM, but she sure can EA all the time and obsess over him.

Eric, I don't think your history is as bad as ours was. Although eveyr time I look at it I just see a depressed husband who drank later at nite to get rid of his hurt. Not a guy who drank, got mean, yelled at the kids when he was drunk, pushed his wife around. Whenever she DID yell at me I felt like crap. Is this a man who is abusing his wife?

So Eric, what do we do?

And, I am a Scorpio. We want to win.

Quote:

Keyster42
In your case, and it must be rough, the Om will be gone soon. I will bet that he is cheating on your W right now, or is planning to. He is 3,000 miles away, he needs action.


Man, this is the part I hate the most. EVERYBODY I know says exactly what you said. But I THINK he's really a loser and is getting emotional support from HER as well in his pathetic life. I REALLY believe he would move because of some loser mentality that he could 'start over'. I dunno. Am I nutS???


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