Thanks for posting your counselor's recommendation. I think they'll help me too! This post speaks to me too. Me and my H are farther along in this process and have been piecing. You've expressed so many of the feelings I had, but didnt deal with. The feeling of rejection and I've been here supporting him, yet he gives the good parts of him to OW. I agree with Sassy in that they didnt give the good parts because they don't have it together, but I understand this feeling so well. The suffering, the rejection, the withdrawal and how that feels. I have that anger and bitterness from those things happending too. If you do anything through this process, I hope you'll deal with these feeling and take care of yourself. I put myself out on a limb and kept giving without results until it sucked me dry emotionally. Now I wish I had detached more and had advice like your C gave. It's heartbreaking getting to piecing only to realize that there's a big hole where my heart used to be and a mountain of resentment to deal with.
So much of the walk all I could think about was how she has betrayed us all and what a whore she is that she would leave me for someone else while claiming she is 'finding herself'. I just WOULD NOT do that. Ever. I was thinking about how she had said a few times over the past 3 years that she was thinking she needed some time to find herself and live on her own but she wasn't able to DO IT till she found someone new to be involved with. What a coward. This isn't detachment. This is allowing her actions to hurt you by taking them personally. Think about what your C said about the dog chasing the rabbit. That is the point of view with detachment. I wish I had that point of view long ago and I wouldnt have made my H's actions so much about me.
I understand your pain and disgust. If you can truly detach at this point and not allow her actions to deposit more of that, you'll be in a better place to work on the M when you get there. Can you practice thought stopping? Can you get out and have some fun and not focus so much on your W right now? Just anything to distance yourself so the pain, anger and hatred don't consume you.
I wish I could give some helpful advice, unfortunately, I have arrived at the "I don't think I want to do this anymore with him" place myself.
