Yes, and maybe that will mean we can at least not hate each other at that point. I just don't see it going beyond that
You guys "hate" each other right now?
My ex had a list of things that had her wanting out of our relationship too, well, don't all WASs? It's been about a year now that I started seriously DBing, and though she's been living with the OM still, and we have nothing to tie us together, I did get a "I'm grateful that you're still in my life" back in October. In November, December and just a few days ago, she's invited me to meet up with her for lunch, even though I've been turning her down. Negative feelings can dissipate in time. Who knows what else can happen? What we see happening today does not portend the future.
That's the same type of thinking WASs have because of their "unhappiness". They see their current circumstances in a marriage as continuing on forever and start to dread the thought of their life forever being like it is today.
Imagine you're stuck in traffic, bumper to bumper, nothing's moving. As far ahead as you can see, there's nothing but a sea of cars. You start to figure this is going to take some time before it clears. But unknown to you, up ahead, just beyond the curve, traffic is already clearing. Were you in a helicopter up above, you'd see that, having a different perspective than you would as a driver. It's quite the same thing here, it's a matter of perception.
(BTW, to continue this analogy, as one of the drivers caught in the jam, what do you do while stuck? Fume and rage and get pissed that you're going to now run late, or listen to the radio, get some work done, call someone, sit back and relax... in other words, do what's best for you in the meantime.)
Sure, she could get those things in our relationship by doing them on her own but she thinks she can (and has) find someone who is 'just like her' in those goals. Of course OM has a lot of negatives but she ignores them for the positives.
Perhaps OM is more compatible, but perhaps it's more about that relationship still being in its "honeymoon" phase. At that stage, people in relationships tend to have blinders on overlooking the negative qualities and odd eccentricities of the other. That goes for both of them. It's like nature's way of ensuring the human race continues by feeding us endorphins to get us to bond. But in time, that effect wears off, and the negative qualities that we placed on the back burner come to the front, and the odd eccentricities we once loved now become the peeves we can't stand. The partner's best behavior becomes something they lower their guard on, and their one step over the boundary becomes increasingly more a few steps over the boundary, and real life pops in with its pressures and conflicts and bursts the fantasy balloon. You have two variables here, W and OM, it can happen to either or both of them. Then very often, who was originally considered to be "The One" becomes "That a$$hole. What did I ever see in him/her?" or "He/She wasn't Mr/Ms. Right. It wasn't meant to be."
She made a comment on W's mood which I pointed out was pretty good today.
Daughters need validation too.
One bad thought I'm having is that she is telling OM about the session and how she got in touch with these awful feelings that I gave her. Then he can be the hero and bad mouth me and reaffirm her decision to divorce.
To you, his bad mouthing you is a bad thought. To me, it's a good thought. Sometimes, having a new partner bad mouth the previous partner becomes a major turn off as their true colors show. If he's prone to doing that, maybe a little jealousy is at work in him. Perhaps that's something to consider... that any time you spend with W being positive, thoughtful, validative, etc., that if it affects her positively, even though she may not show it to you, should it be reported back to OM, maybe he'll step up his jealousy, making more snide comments and becoming increasingly uglier in her eyes? Perhaps that will manifest as his telling her "what to do" ("I think you're spending too much time with him"... "whadd'ya mean you're going over there?"... "You shouldn't be doing that"...), and she probably won't like that, it could push her away from him. Just a good thought to replace your bad thought with.
C has said that she is working towards showing W that SHE also played a role in all these events.
