Quote: You sound better, Frank--clearer and more resolved.
I think it's because I understand how I got here now, and how 'out of my hands' it is. And I just don't see her and I together again when there are OM's out there who will offer the good feelings without the bad baggage. Yeah, they don't have all the good traits I have (when I'm not being hurtful like I was) but if you stick your hand in a fire and get burned you aren't going to do it again. She has had enough.
Quote: Time is needed for the WAS's wounds to heal and the emotional history to dissipate. This is also helped along by the LBS creating new positive moments in the interim, and that will also show consistency.
Yes, and maybe that will mean we can at least not hate each other at that point. I just don't see it going beyond that, there are other things she wants out of life that we are not the same in. Sure, she could get those things in our relationship by doing them on her own but she thinks she can (and has) find someone who is 'just like her' in those goals. Of course OM has a lot of negatives but she ignores them for the positives.
Quote: And your happiness too. And perchance maybe really their real happiness doesn't lay in being with someone else, but in making the primary relationship the best one ever. Who's to say? I'd think making yourself genuinely into the better option, regardless of if she wants it or not, is a way of working on both your own happiness (foremost), and hers.
Yeah, it also means I'm doing the right thing for my kids and her by giving them the support and stability they have been lacking, even if W doesn't want the marriage.
