She told me how apalled she was that W was TELLING her this. She told me that 'of course the newness of the relationship is going to feel that way but it won't last and it's not morally right to even be DOING this. She said that she can't believe that our marriage wasn't salvagable. W told her she 'married too young' and she said to me 'so she thinks it's ok to ruin your kids lives? You WORK on your marriage no matter what!'

Just curious, I wasn't sure did stepmom tell your W she thought this?

We don't really see them a lot so it will have very little impact on W. She doesn't respect her dad even though he is a decent person these past 20 years I've known him. She has childhood issues with him.

You never know the impact, continually hearing that others do not approve of her selfish, immature behavior, eventually someone may get through to her.

Questions to DB'ers:

What should they do that would be helpful? Personally I think they should make it very clear that they think what she is doing is immoral and ask that she not come to visit, just me and the kids or something? Ideas?

Whatever they want. Do not put words in their mouth.

Meanwhile, my D's are hurt, her dad is hurt, I am hurt. I am thinking of telling her that she has succeeded in finally hurting her dad.

Careful, she may resent the comment thinking you are trying to make her feel guilty.

I know if you follow my threads I go back and forth between thinking she can be saved, to wanting nothing to do with her. I still have a hardtime dealing with what a piece of garbage OM is for 'dating' a married woman who was 'unhappy with her marriage'. How the F does he know that she was REALLY not able to salvage it? He has made sure she CAN'T salvage it now. Maggot.

I have to chime on with this. He is a maggot, it's crazy that our S don't see it that way - what kind of person would pursue a married man/woman? How could you ever trust that kind of person in a R? Early on I wanted to ask OW how would you feel if some single woman chased after your father and tried to steal him away from your mom??? With OM living 3000 miles away, for all anyone knows he has 2 or 3 women on the strings. He sounds like the type of person to do that.

Now that I've ranted...you HAVE TO PUT OM OUT OF YOUR MIND. As difficult as it is to let go, you have to or you will drive yourself crazy. I used wonder about OW, is she staying in town on weekends (grad student) to see H? I even drove by her apt. a few times to check...then I realized once I started to let go, I was much more peaceful. Even still it's difficult & I think they have fizzled out, but I cannot let myself go back down that road of desparation & despair.