What should they do that would be helpful? Personally I think they should make it very clear that they think what she is doing is immoral and ask that she not come to visit, just me and the kids or something? Ideas?
I think you should let them do whatever they think they should do.
She is so selfish and detached and thinks she is so much fun now and her life is going the way she wants it to go
That's the mode she's in.
Meanwhile, my D's are hurt, her dad is hurt, I am hurt. I am thinking of telling her that she has succeeded in finally hurting her dad.
WASs, being in a very selfish mode, do not see the devastation they create, and to see it means guilt. They deal with that guilt by denying it.
I can't keep blaming myself for my role in the MARRIAGE problems. I didn't MAKE her have an affair. She did it herself. I have made the changes needed to fix the marriage. she doesn't give a rats a$$.
You don't have to keep blaming yourself for your part in the marriage problems. You learn from that, and leave the faults behind. She may see the changes you've made in yourself so far, but just as it took time for her to get to become a WAS, it takes time for these things to turn around. She's built a wall against you. It won't come tumbling immediately now just because it's now that you've made the changes.
I know if you follow my threads I go back and forth between thinking she can be saved, to wanting nothing to do with her.
That's part of the rollercoaster.
I still have a hardtime dealing with what a piece of garbage OM is for 'dating' a married woman who was 'unhappy with her marriage'.
Yup, he saw a vulnerable woman and took advantage of that. Takes all types.
Don't know what to do, I'm disgusted.
It's obvious you have your ups and downs, and when you're down, this is the way you'll feel. Thoughts of what to do spring forth based on the emotions you're feeling, and you're not sure what to do. So the best thing to do is nothing. You can't act on your feelings, as your feelings will change and you may find yourself regretting actions taken. Additionally, you'd be changing courses every few days if you did that. So rather than get caught up with thinking of what to do on this micro-level, stay with the bigger picture, stay on the general overall track.
Stop feeding your mind images of the OM. That only torments you, and will influence your DBing. Give it more time, cultivate more patience. Telling her how she's hurt her dad won't draw her closer to you, that's her dad's business to take care of with her anyway. Don't dwell on how she used to be pre-A, that's only the good part you're thinking of. Consider the bad stuff that existed too, for a more realistic view. Focus more on yourself. And detach. Your wanting to tell her how she hurt her dad, your wanting to tell her parents what they ought to do, all that you have to let go of. You have to stop creating misery for yourself, Frank. Hope you feel better soon.
