Well, she got online at about 4:30 and chatted with OM. Afterwards seemed much happier. How nice. Looks like the depression is over. Must be he was unavailable for a couple days and she was worried he was going away.
We went to her Dad's for dinner. She has a glass of wine and was Miss 'outgoing and friendly'. (Note: A couple weeks ago we were there for dinner and she told him about the D and her affair and told Stepmom how it was such a deep, moving love she has found ) It is starting to bug me, the shallowness I see in her.
I talked to Stepmom who I hadn't talked to since last dinner. She started telling me how she was still shocked that W told her all about how she met OM in Hawaii and felt the love and energy in every fiber of her body.
She told me how apalled she was that W was TELLING her this. She told me that 'of course the newness of the relationship is going to feel that way but it won't last and it's not morally right to even be DOING this. She said that she can't believe that our marriage wasn't salvagable. W told her she 'married too young' and she said to me 'so she thinks it's ok to ruin your kids lives? You WORK on your marriage no matter what!'
I was surprised and relieved that they didn't support her at all. Then I told her that most of her sane friends don't either and she only talks to her friends that are happy for her. She knew exactly which two they were as they are the most troubled ones.
Her dad is really hurt because W's brother had a divorce and they don't get to see their grandkids. Now that W is having an Affair and getting D her dad feels like a total failure.
I guess it really hit home. Other family are being hurt by this too. I thought it was just me.
It is just like the essay on romantic infidelity says
Quote: No matter how many sacrifices you make to keep the love alive, no matter how many sacrifices your family and children make for this crazy relationship, it will gradually burn itself out when there is nothing more to sacrifice to it. Then you must face not only the wreckage of several lives, but the original depression from which the affair was an insane flight into escape.
We don't really see them a lot so it will have very little impact on W. She doesn't respect her dad even though he is a decent person these past 20 years I've known him. She has childhood issues with him.
Questions to DB'ers:
What should they do that would be helpful? Personally I think they should make it very clear that they think what she is doing is immoral and ask that she not come to visit, just me and the kids or something? Ideas?
I'm just disgusted with her. I don't want to come across as angry, but I need to just stop dealing with her right now. I don't even want to talk to her any more. She is so selfish and detached and thinks she is so much fun now and her life is going the way she wants it to go... woo hoo.
Meanwhile, my D's are hurt, her dad is hurt, I am hurt. I am thinking of telling her that she has succeeded in finally hurting her dad.
I can't keep blaming myself for my role in the MARRIAGE problems. I didn't MAKE her have an affair. She did it herself. I have made the changes needed to fix the marriage. she doesn't give a rats a$$. She was such a sweet and wonderful woman before.
Every day it's getting easier to let go and detach because she has a day where she is emotionally like her 'old self' but then she goes back to selfish mode for several days and I start to dislike her.
How do I DB this? I really don't want to talk to her, I don't like her the way she is. It's hard not to just say 'screw her, look at what kind of person she turned out to be' and start real divorce proceedings, then take the kids away and live on our own without her.
I know if you follow my threads I go back and forth between thinking she can be saved, to wanting nothing to do with her. I still have a hardtime dealing with what a piece of garbage OM is for 'dating' a married woman who was 'unhappy with her marriage'. How the F does he know that she was REALLY not able to salvage it? He has made sure she CAN'T salvage it now. Maggot.
