Quote: W. sounds depressed, and maybe it has nothing to do with what's going on with OM, although it is good that you heard from your friend that OM may not be telling your wife what she wants to hear right now. Let's hope that keeps up!!
You and I are both on new ground with this detaching plan. I've decided to go the same route, because anything else is just not getting me anywhere, and it literally made me sick. We have to take care of ourselves, and let them do the same.
Yeah, she's been ok today whenever I've seen her. And the friend was just speculating, she doesn't know OM personally, just from the Hawaii retreat, and was being hopeful even though she does expect this guy to eventually fizzle out.
I agree with detaching. It's way too painful to stay close to her. I end up being needy instead of loving. I haven't been putting a visualization in my mind of us together because it hurts too much.
Instead I have been seeing her gone because as I accept that as the worst possible outcome, if it happens I'll be ok, and if not I'll be better!
We get along and there are definatly feelings there from time to time but the feelings for the Affair are much stronger for her. I'm sure he hasn't given up on this interaction with her, he's too weak to walk away.
And, I was soooo tempted to read her e-mail or check phone logs but I WON'T DO IT! Better to leave it where it last was so there are no false hopes for me. If she IS upset over him then that still means she doesn't care about me so there is no reason to change my plan - detach and let go.
Her hurting is better than being 'giddy' with the Affair. Even if Affair hasn't changed at all the hurting comes from somewhere and has to be making her think about her life and what she is doing. That has to be a good thing since she can't keep running away from things. And, whatever she is feeling it isn't because of ME, which is a good thing!
