Quote: just curious, you don't think your wife told your daughter about the whale thing, do you?
No way, she would have to tell her about the affair also. She won't do that.
Quote: Hmmmmm, admitting that she is trying to convince herself that divorce was inevitable???
I think she was questioning whether or not the AFFAIR is the reason for the divorce and whether the divorce was inevitable. The way I framed it for her by saying 'you intended on pursuing him while you were still in Hawaii, before you decided to tell me you wanted a divorce.' I believe had to make her question her decision and it's implications. I mean, if affair thoughts came before divorce request did then she has to admit she gave up on US FOR OM. She hasn't wanted to admit that. I could be wrong on this but it feels right. Even if it is subconscious.
Quote: I find it very unusual that a woman who wants a D so badly would want her H to continue to live in the same house
Economics and impact on the kids. Counselor said it would be better if we could stay togehter and be civil at least till summer. And it's good for DB'ing.
Quote: With regards to your wife's bad mood today, you mentioned that your W mirrors your moods, have you been in a bad mood too? Or with a little wishful thinking, maybe OM & her had a tiff
I'm not in a bad mood at all. Although it has been hard NOT to get in one with her around me today. Also, I would find it hard to believe that OM and her had any negative interaction. Remember that they are 3,000 miles apart and realistically can only talk about nice things. It could be that her attempts to set up another meeting haven't worked out. That would irk her since her addiction to the affair can't be itched.
It has continued all day. Even D15 told me that she was so glad to be out of the house because of the feeling of depression everywhere. When D10 went to bed she asked me to sit with her so she could cry, because she needed to cry. I did for about 15 minutes. She couldn't tell me why she needed it, she just did.
We went to a movie and I would see W occasionally wiping a tear or two from her eyes and look away. At one point she got up and had to go somewhere for about 10 minutes. It wasn't during any sad parts of the movie either.
We drove 1/2 hour to a chinese food place we like and during the drive she stared out the window in pain. The dinner was ok, W was pleasant but there was a definate heavyness in the air. D15 mentioned it to me when W went to the bathroom and wondered if it was because of her. She didn't indicate what she might have done but I told her probably not since it really began yesterday morning.
After dinner W got a fortune cookie and she read it but wouldn't tell us what it said because it was 'so appropriate to her life'. Note: She has a fortune she has saved that says 'you will find romance from far away' or something like that which of course to her refers to OM who is far away.
I spent the whole drive home trying to think of all the fortunes I've ever heard from that place and what each might mean. Pretty sick huh? I kind of decided that pretty much all fortunes refer to jobs, money or relationships and they usually refer to 'change'. So who knows. Since she was pleasant to me I figured she isn't planning on changing anything with our living arrangements or the D. So whatever she's upset about is still a mystery.
On the ride home she talked a little and was also pleasant. Same thing when we got home. She went in her room to read after we put D10 to bed (mentioned above). We had been watching TV and as she left the room she smiled a warm smile and picked up the remote from the table next to her and handed it to me. Hasn't done that in a long while. Then she left the room. D15 came down to ask me if she could go to her boyfriends tomorrow so she could 'get out of this depressing place'. I told her sure but ask Mom also. W said ok and as D15 went by me she whispered 'Thanks dad I would have gone crazy staying here'.
So, I am clueless here. It would be great if SHE is having second thoughts about OM and the D, even if it means she is going to cut off relationship with him and proceed with D just to prove a point. OM is a distraction.
I was thinking that maybe she is just unhappy because she can't be with OM and is stuck here with her family. But there isn't evidence that she is calling or e-mailing more.
I also know she talked with her mom yesterday or today and she may have told her about affair and gotten a negative review. No idea. I have also noticed that I have not seen her on the computer. My network logs show that she has been online but not how long or how often. It's just that for the past few weeks she would be online a lot, chatting with OM, so I would have pretty good odds of 'seeing' her online. Past 2 days I haven't seen her online so she has slowed down a bit. Whatever it is, I have to continue to believe that nothing has changed with OM or I'll go crazy.
I did realize that I'm freaking out about this. Which means I haven't DETACHED now, have I? So back to that again. I have to detach before anything will actually begin to work, if it's going to.
