If you don't mind I'll share some thoughts on the conversation. I don't admit to be an excellent DBer, many others on this site may give better insight.

"In a split second I decide to push the limits and say: 'Well, I can see why she might be upset, you and OM really screwed both of us (GF and I)"

You obviously hit a button with this comment - You were able to let her know you disagree with her immoral action & brought light to how it affects you & OM's GF. AFter making your point, do not bring up OM. It will make you appear desparate & by discussing OM you only justify her decision & push her away further. It is so hard to let go of thinking about the affair, especially when you live in the same house. But once you quit focusing on the affair, you will feel much better.

"Me: "I'm not mad I'm just hurting too much right now. I can only take so much of your Adulterous Affair and the other emotional stuff with the divorce and I have to retreat and rebuild my strength".

I think this was an excellent response. You let her know you are moving on and working on making yourself better.


"W: OM is NOT the cause of D, it was going to happen anyway.

Me: Why do you say that?

W: I don't know, maybe so I can convince myself..."


Hmmmmm, admitting that she is trying to convince herself that divorce was inevitable??? Doesn't sound so sure of herself.

"Me: I've stayed out of your way for the past 2 months, I just can't stand here and take it forever. I need some time to transition myself to a more neutral emotional state while you pursue your affair. I know you're not going to end it like you are trying to tell me. You want it too bad."

This was another excellent way to tell her you are trying to move on.

"She wants me to stay living here for the kids sake, to keep a stable environment. I ask her if she wants the stable environment for herself too. She says it's not important to her. She does say she still wants to go to couples counseling to work on 'healing' the hurt between us. (This is important because our counselor is trying to bring her back to reality)."

I don't know your wife, but I find it very unusual that a woman who wants a D so badly would want her H to continue to live in the same house....Does she want you to still be living in the same house when OM supposedly moves?

At one point in the conversation your wife felt you blamed her for D - try to never make her feel this way again.
I haven't read your entire sitch, but based on what is in this linrk, you have a lot of postives. You & wife still live in same house & she wants it to stay that way - This give you the opportunity for more interactions. On a legal note, some states require a time of sep. before you can file for D...if you are not livinge in sep. households, can D be filed? It's great that you are going to counseling together & she wants to help heal the hurt...not sure of you C's approach but, it may not be good to bring up neg. from the past, it could stir up resentement. Hope your C is able to snap her back from whatever it is that she is going through.

With regards to your wife's bad mood today, you mentioned that your W mirrors your moods, have you been in a bad mood too? Or with a little wishful thinking, maybe OM & her had a tiff Good luck.