Quote:

I was hoping for a revelation to come to her, for her to become emotional about the loss of our marriage. But it's still the same as it was I guess. So, Back to detaching and letting go. I'm sad again.



FD,
Your's and my W are clones - alien clones. Going through the same thing. The EA/PA is killing me. I know you have read my sitch too. I have really grown and GLA'd/DB's I think pretty well. I need to start being brutally honest (and if the change arises at MC this week, I will). It is morally wrong. I HOPE someday she wakes up and says "what the heck am I doing?". The boys and me will be at church again tomorrow (as with every Sunday). She hasn't gone in probably a year. It's funny because we go to a Catholic church (W is, I'm Methodist). From time to time over the past couple weeks, she asks me about something she has done (not related to our R) "will I go to he|| for this?". Tought to bite my tongue.

I really think (and here is the hard part) that in a lot of ways you are right - the EA/PA is not the reason for divorce - but they use it as "leverage", a way of explaining away the foolish pride around admitting to you that they are wrong.

As you know in my sitch, I have a W that might be as much as 75% of the way back (or maybe not). However, she cannot get over the 25% because she would have to explain herself - to everyone - about the OM, etc. and she cannot do that. She needs to see this through, blah, blah. I plan on telling her in MC that I have "forgiven her completely for all that I know about and don't. That I love her unconditionally but need to move on with my life. She KNOWS and has seen how self confident I am these days. I can only hope that rattles the foundation she is on. I'll be patient for a little long, but based on response, it might be time to uptick the detachment. e.g. I think she still has the sense that she will be able to stay in the house she does.

Anyway, I think you had a good exchange. Keep it up - there seems to be a crack there that might be opening. I think you did a good job at self control. That is key in the face of this adversity!

Keep it up.

E

Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.

Trying to Piece