Still wondering what people think about that exchange. Is there really any hope with her or is she just 'done' and going to OM to get her 'dream' of a partner in business, a lover who isn't me?
Anyway, last nite she woke up from a bad dream in the middle of the nite yelling. I didn't get up but I though I heard her. She told me about it this morning.
In her dream D15 is older now and comes home all drunk and drugged up. W is trying to get he straightend out but D15 is telling her sho doesn't care or something, I didn't really get the whole story other than D15 was messed up. By the way, D15 is probably the strongest and most stable kid you'd ever meet.
W says she woke up yelling 'I don't want to be the mother of a teenager!'. She tells me she was very upset because she's afraid for D15. I tell her that she doesn't have to worry because she's not alone, I'm here too and I'll be with her as a parent. She starts to cry.
So, I just walk right over to her and hold her. I wouldn't have done this before but I felt it was needed. She holds me and crys a little. It's for real. Then D15 walks into the room and W lets go.
Just for reference, W WAS into drinking and drugs and sex when she was a teen. Her parents weren't there for her and she got into some bad sit's. She pulled herself out of it when she was 17. I know she fears our D15 will behave the same, but it ain't gonna happen. We are MUCH different parents and she is a much different kid.
The rest of today W has been pleasant, friendly, coordial but not making eye contact often, and if she does she isn't projecting any feelings.
I felt really good about this incident. I supported HER without needing anything. And I was fully present. I think in a way is was good that D15 came in to give it a reason to end so it didn't get awkward. And, W LET me support her. Now she is distant again.
Still trying to understand last nites talk. I still have it in my head that she is totally checked out of the Marriage, and is into the affair justifying it by saying she was leaving the marriage anyway. And OM keeps morphing into whatever she wants him to be. Now he's saying he's going to be her massage partner that she's always wanted.
Still hurts a lot. In my mind I see her with him, and me alone (well, with my kids). But the hurt she feels when we talk about our Marriage is real. I don't know exactly what the source of that hurt is.
I guess I should get some solace in the fact that she did say more than once that she didn't know what she was going to do with OM. But that may just be 'shall I go be with him' -vs- 'Will he come here and be my partner'.
I was hoping for a revelation to come to her, for her to become emotional about the loss of our marriage. But it's still the same as it was I guess. So, Back to detaching and letting go. I'm sad again.
I wish I could go back in time and change this. But I can't.
As was said by someone else 'Detaching lovingly is the key to either happiness together or happiness apart. Either way we will be happy." I miss her.
