Quote: Keyster42: Detaching lovingly is the key to either happiness together or happiness apart. Either way we will be happy.
Yeah, THIS is what I need to hear. I slept maybe 3 hours last nite because I could tell I hit a nerve with her by challenging her perception of the 'affair' and the 'divorce'. I wish I had been thinking more because I COULD have pointed out to her that she came home in a loving mood and didn't say 'divorce' UNTIL she connected with OM on the phone and started to pursue him. If she thinks that the affair had nothing to do with asking for a divorce she is fooling herself. And for crying out loud we LIVE in the same house and we interact 'as if' all the time unless I take away my half of the energy. Then she get's pissy.
Quote: spitfire23: I would guess that she will become more confused and maybe in not so great a mood as you continue to detach.
I hope that's true. It will show me that she really does love me and doesn't want to lose me completely. That means there is an open door still.
As far as the 'voodoo doll', I know it's pretty weird that she would even THINK up something like that. In a different post I mentioned that OM sent her an e-mail Xmas eve while the family was out looking at xmas decorations in which he said 'I think Frank is sending me a lot of negative feelings because I am being overwhelmed by them'. W answered 'no, we were all together having fun, but I could FEEL your presence.'
Now, in my knowledge about what we say and do, when someone says something like what he said, it is a reflection on what HE feels about HIMSELF. i.e. he was feeling that I am threatening to him, and that he is doing something 'bad', thus the 'negative vibes'.
When W said 'I am being attacked psychically by GF' she is feeling that what she has done wasn't so great a thing and hurt GF so W feels threatened by that thought and feeling.
The biggest thing I HOPE came out of our conversation is that she is now thinking that MAYBE she DID give up on the marriage because of OM. I think that if she didn't meet him she would still have stayed, and with the changes I was making then we might have had a chance to get it right.
