Quote: You stare at the face in the picture and something deep inside you gets tormented.
Yeah, And they look at pictures and nothing inside them gets tormented because they were 'suffering' during that time, yet oddly smiling too.
I guess we get 'roles' put upon us in our lives whether we like them or not. My role has been 'stability'. Even when I was depressed and drinking we had a stable life, home, financials.
And now, while my W pursues OM who we know is a loser, and we go to counseling where counselor's goal is to reawaken the love and caring in our marriage within W without making HER think that, my role is to be present and be 'stability'.
Right now though I don't want to talk to W any more. Like TJ, I am going to respond lovingly and enthusiastically but only when she approaches me. She can get all her needs fulfilled by OM via IM or Phone. Too bad he's so far away. But hey, when he moves closer that will prove his love for her right? Or... will it prove his needyness?
Maybe that's what she needs right now - someone who will do anything she asks and can be controlled. Someone who WANTS her to fix him and is EASY to fix.
I'll probably hurt like this for another month, then again when he finally flys to see her or she flys to see him for another weekend romp. But I'm not going to expose myself to her any more unless she invites me. Maybe then she'll get a clue that I really WILL be gone some day, if she cares anyway. It's so pathetic that she has told me I should 'be dating'. Unbelievable that she could be my wife 2 months ago and tell me to 'date' a week ago.
I keep coming back to the thought that someone who can do this to me, who had this personality living inside her, had to have been 'this way' for a long time. It just took the proper triggers to make it come out.
Why would I want to be with someone like that? Why be around her now? The hugs and friendlyness are just fake fronts to reduce her guilt for hurting me.
In any spare moments ALL she is thinking about is OM.
They are both weak, needy and emotionally dependent people who are getting their self worth from each other. She knows better. He doesn't. They certainly deserve each other. It's interesting that her Mom divorced her dad who was also a strong personality, and ended up with a man who is a much weaker personality. Now, her dad was a bit of a jerk at times and her mom is a flakey person so they really didn't belong together. But in our case I am not a jerk and I am a strong but not controlling person.
And, I am learning everything I need to know to be a better life partner with a woman. I think I am also going to be a pretty good catch too. I just need to get over W.
Will she be the one who catches me? Who knows. Doesn't seem likely right now.
