Today she went to visit her friend and took the kids. Her friend is supportive of her affair, after all she is 'in love' after being unhappy with a bad man.
Of course, her friend is not exactly a tower of power in the relationship world. 400 lbs, dated maybe one guy in the past 10 years, in her late 30's. A real professional. She was also part of the reason we almost divorced 6 years ago. After W and I reconciled then she did not talk W for a year because she didn't like me. She must feel vindicated now.
Anyway, they will be gone 4 days, but W will be back tomorrow to do some work, then go back to friends house.
We had a weird morning, W seemed ticked that I wasn't spending time with D10 since they would be leaving this morning for 4 days. I was originally mad she was telling me what to do but I did rethink it and thanked her for reminding me. Spent time playing video games with D10.
They finally got ready to leave and I helped them load the car and then W says to kids 'Say a special bye to dad since you won't see him till thursday'. D15 says "by daddy", and I walked to D10's side of the car to give her a big hug.
W is standing in front of the car waiting. As I walk by her she says something to me about me being able to get a lot done while they are gone, which she always says. I am standing but not facing her and say 'of course, it will be quiet'. She pauses, then turns to me and gives me a big hug in front of the girls. It wasn't real short, but not long either. I'm not sure if it was because she thought I was feeling needy (I was a little but trying to not show it).
Anyway, it felt good and she then left. Said she would call later with the kids.
So, I'm setting some goals.
-- Actually get a lot of work done. In the past I would be depressed and drink whenever they were gone. -- Build the mental attitude I need to really really detach. I am tired of the hurt and she is still 'in love' with OM so what's the point of any attachment right now except to HURT ME. -- Explore the ideas of what would I do if we did Divorce. I need to convince myself that I will be happy either way. -- Stop writing on the board and obsessing over all this as much as I do. It keeps it in my mind which I do NOT need anymore
I noticed that a lot of psople seem to reach a crossroads at 2 months of DB'ing. They seem to be ready to detach after taking all the emotional abuse they can. I think that's where I am.
