And because of the advise here and the advise I've received from my other friends, I haven't cracked yet, and I'm not going to. He may never want me again. He may not come home, but it's better than living in limbo--him coming to me from the OW. I refuse to take that any more.
And I also have a date tomorrow evening. This person is a hiker and has taken me on three hikes, but tomorrow he's taking me to a seafood restaurant, so I really think I can stay dark at least through Christmas.
This will be the first Christmas without my H for 33 years and I'm doing everything I can to not think about it b/c when I do I can't stop crying.
