I do not have to earn the love that H gives me, but the flip side of that is that I don't get to dictate what kind of love it is, the strength of it, how it is demonstrated, etc.
All I have the right to do is to decide whether it suits me well enough to stick around.
MrH gives me everything that he is capable of giving. Over the years, what he is capable of has grown and expanded. I would bet that it will continue to do so.
Do I have a 'right' to it? No of course not. I am worthy and deserving of love but do I get to also specify exactly how it's delivered? No of course not.
Part of the resolution of this problem, for me, has been in accepting that perfection is not going to happen. My H worships me in his own ways and is utterly devoted to me. He is not sexually slobbering all the time--and that is a disappointment to me, don't misunderstand--but again who ever said that it was my birthright to have that?
Is it my H's birthright to have a spotless house, all the time, no matter what? Toilets that you can eat off? All of his laundry neatly in the drawers without him ever having to touch the washer? Truly, I don't think so. It is his preference, not my obligation. Because I love him, I make it a priority in my day. Do I do it to his satisfaction? Oh hell no. In order to do that, I'd have to ship my kids off, lol.
It has taken me an hour to compose this reply, as I keep getting up and down, so I have no idea if it is coherent or if I answered your question!
