1. Showing by her actions that she'd rather watch television than have sex. BY FAR THE NUMBER ONE PROBLEM. THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I'D LIKE TO THROW A ROCK THROUGH THAT DAMN TELEVISION AND THEN DROP THE TELEVISION ON THE HEAD OF THE GUY THAT INVENTED TELEVISION. AND NO, WE DON'T EVEN KEEP THE TV IN OUR BEDROOM.
2. Criticizing some physical aspect of the house. Yes, I know there's always room for home improvement, but it bugs me when she's not satisfied with things the way they are, and always finding things that need improvement. Maybe in some cases it's justified and I'm overreacting, but I do tend to emotionalize it and see her disapproval with the "roof over our head" as disapproval of me and my providing. I'm also a lousy handyman, so I'm sensitive about that as well.
3. Making explicit promises of times for sex later in the day, and then coming home and being too tired or having some other reason for reneging on the promise. I have to remind myself, she doesn't understand. To her putting it off isn't as big a deal; to me, promising me sex tonight while on the way out of the house in the morning is just as if I had promised her a dinner date at the best restaurant in town, and when she comes home and breaks that promise, it's just as if I promised to take her out to dinner and then came home saying I just don't feel like going out tonight so let's send out for a pizza.
4. Not taking care of her physical health or keeping fit. And by this I don't mean her figure - I mean health and energy level. If she took better care of herself she wouldn't be "out of it" so much. Grr...
Overall every one of these items, as well as others I could come up with with more thought, boil down to "not thinking our sexual relationship is important enough to put time and effort into working on." Ultimately, that means I'M not important enough either...and, yes, it leads to my being resentful.
