I had a restless night, slept fitfully. Noticed that lights were off and on during the night from H, he must've had a restless night as well. He still slept after I was up.

I made stuff for breakfast that I don't usually make, got a thanks without more comment. Strained silence, and I finally found a topic that we could have a little conversation. H seemed about as relieved as I did. The morning went a little better then.

Pursuit? is this pursuit? I asked H if he would help me today give the cows some shots, it must be timely or not at all for breeding. It's raining and icky, and I told him that I at least wanted to get it done in the daylight. He didn't know, he might be home, might not, not sure, yadayada. With that answer, I figure I should just go figure out a way to do it without his help. But then I get angry about it, and wonder why I have to do it all myself when HE is the one that says how he wants these cows, and he wants a big herd. Am I just being used? and if I am, how would I change it? I can't just keep feeding all the cattle without some type of payback from them. The other question I asked was about taking a physical inventory, when should we plan it? His reply was, I thought I would work on that this week. I doubt he will, do I just drop it? but again, this is business, not personal. Is it still pursuit? and how would I change it?

I feel a little bit of triump. The plug in travel mug that I got H for Christmas is a hit. H mentioned this morning that he doesn't have to leave it plugged all day, it keeps his coffee real hot. What makes this so nice to me is that the mug he's been using for over a year came from ow. It's a pretty heavy duty mug, or I would have it broken by now. But at least now, he takes something everyday that I gave him, something in his truck that came from me. I like that. And the dvd's I gave him are opened, looks like he watched some movies on NYE while I was out. This is a big change from anything else I've given him in the last few years that gets pushed aside and never touched again.

Day two of the new year, he's not mentioned anything about leaving. Always in the back of my mind.

Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.