hmmmm.. ideas for 180s that don't involve an ultimatum.
Your H is a proud man. He doesn't like it when you take over and do things that he's said he'll do. How about if you start leaning on someone else besides him for advice? That might make him angry. But anger is not an enemy necessarily. It's just an emotion. What if when you were riding along the other day you started asking advice on every day things, business etc from your H's friend? Things you would normally as your H.
I guess what I'm saying is - maybe give him a little taste of taking him out of control and authority there. Start making all your own decisions. Dont wait for him to do chores or worry if he'll be mad and distance if you take care of something, just do it. And yeah, he'll be ticked probably, but maybe it'll motivate him to get involved there. Or to envision losing you and what you've grown together. Allow him to see you moving on without him. How about that business deal with your sister? Something for you that he can't have a part in?
How about lock the door tomorrow morning and take a long shower.. crank up the tunes.. hum like you're in love. Always walk out of earshot when you're on the phone and create some mystery. Stay all night at a friends..just one night and don't tell him.. come rolling in at 6AM looking happy as a clam. (I've done this and my H who didnt live with me was waiting for me when I got home the next morning!) The next time he's expected at a family gathering, maybe just go without him, or make it clear you'd like to be by yourself and enjoy your family without the tension of keeping up appearances. This is scary because he might just keep walking. But truly, do you want an H that will walk away just because you choose to start living again and stop being controlled by what his choice is going to be in your sitch?
You are such a sweetheart. Something like this might not be who you are. I keep thinking about Love Must Be Tough though and what Dr. Dobson says about it being impossible to love someone that you don't respect. Your H is controlling you right now by not working on the R, not making a decison, not sharing his vision of the future with you. You walk on eggshells and accomodate him no matter what he does or doesn't do. You are demonstrating a tremendous amount of unconditional love, but is that the right way to go? Dr. Dobson also talks about how people want boundaries and limits. It's like children. If your child was determined to destroy their life with drugs, would you accomodate that or would you say "hey, I'm not going to support this.. it's wrong!" A child learns to respect a parent that sets a firm and loving boundary. Husbands respect wives that do the same. I don't thing that means nagging or griping, but firmly asking that the other person keep up their end of the deal. Is he keeping up his portion of the business responsibilities? Even as a business partner you have a right to expect that and if he doesn't then he's wrong to be angry at you for asking that of him.
As usual, 10 cents and maybe you can find a penny in there that'll spark an idea.
Hang in there lady.. whatever happens you definately should be proud of how you love your H and are trying.
