Hanging on/The Long Haul #6

[WCW]

Howdy Sheila! yup, H did say that, be business partners. And yes, he pretty much has manipulated this so called marriage to be just that, and I did tell him that earlier this year. He seemed offended that I knew that, got very defensive that I told him he manipulated that marriage to take just the parts he wanted, and why is that okay. But that's how he is, the more wrong he is the angrier he is if I say something. Also, that is what OW did with her XH, they are still business partners and work together everyday. It's just their personal lives that are separated now. So does she want a full time man? interesting idea. I don't know!?

I read Love Must Be Tough in November, haven't made time to reread it. Haven't made time read much at all lately. Sometimes I feel like I read the wrong stuff and then it affects me in a negative way.

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The Bull Story continues.....
It was almost 12am when H got home last night, 3 hours after the hill closes, it's a 45 minute drive. Seems like he tried to 'sneak' in, dumped all his stuff on the floor instead of putting it away. Maybe he didn't want to wake me, but I was anyway. He didn't say goodnight or anything.

I was up earlier than usual to get to work early, day after holidays are usually busier plus still short staffed. Seems like almost whatever time I get up and take a shower, H follows my lead. 5am or 6am, doesn't matter, as soon as I'm out of the bathroom he moves in. Any significance? not sure. I told him the bull was being delivered this afternoon, he replied in his challenging tone of voice, 'oh yeah?' I went on and asked if he thought we should synchronize the herd, he said whatever you think. I suppose I should have said fine! and walked away. But I asked again what HE thought, and said I hoped he would take over that part from here. He seemed to debristle, and talked sensibly. Then I changed the subject to skiing, asked how it was, how busy, etc.. He said it was very busy and the had some pretty bad wrecks. Maybe that's why he was late getting home.

Icy drizzle today, I had to wait for windshield to de-ice, so H was out of shower before I left. I asked his opinion about a grant form I am filling out for a non profit group, he was nice about his answers.

Other than the reaction about the bull, which I expected, he seems to be not quite so angry as he was last week. Not quite as much tension. Why the change? did he check out apartments and find out things he didn't like? was that a reality check? Maybe it worked to my advantage, he'll at least try and be sociable again. I'm not ready to issue any ultimatums, I have too many things to get lined up before going that direction, plus - that isn't the direction I want to go. If it happens, I'll deal with it. But for now I'm still 'buying' more time, and admittedly, there is still a fear issue of life without him.