Hanging on/The Long Haul #6

[DonH]

WCW I'm glad to see this latest post of yours. I was actually thinking about your sitch and the latest posts and had decided it was time to stick in my two cents for what it was worth. Then I see some of what I was about to say being said by yourself. Clearly you don't need to be told these things but just have it reinforced for you.

I was really struck by your comment that last year you felt that it would be your last Christmas together and that again this year you thought the same thing. I think that is one of many examples that things really have not changed for you in a year. Why is that? I have been re-reading both DR and DB and catching so many more things all over again. One that really struck me is that MWD talks about trying something and if it doesn't work, try something else. Her time frame is a couple of weeks. Let's say we even give it double that. I just wonder, myself included, if we don't wait way too long trying the same cheeseless tunnel. I don't want to get harsh with you but I do have to wonder if you and H are not trying to outlast each other. The sitch basically sits the same for a year. That's a long time - 365 days the last I checked. He doesn't do anything different, poss. waiting for you to make the move for him. You don't do anyting different somewhat doing the same thing day in and day out waiting for him to make some sort of move. The two of you could do this for another five years - perhaps more!

Then I see your post about very little by very little moving on with your life. I really think that if anything is going to change, it will be because of you. H is not going to change it. He is hunckered down in denial land. He is going to continue to deal with it by not dealing with it.

Two concepts that I'm really starting to embrace on these boards are that, one, things change when the LBS really and truly moves on and the WAS thinks they are going to be left behind and, two, when there is an OP involved, it seems like no matter what the LBS does, it does not matter. Until the OP is out of the picture, the WAS simply will not take notice or make any movement back to the M. The thing with your stich is, I don't put his OW in the same category as when there is a full blown R going on. By that I mean them living together, sleeping together, doing all sorts of things together. Your H seems to use the OW as a backup or standby. If she told him, look make a decision, either we do this thing full out or I'm done, I think he'd run.

Yes, I'm getting a bit up on you here, but at this time frame I think it needs to be done. We have a new year about to start and a great time for you to really commit to DBing and getting this done or moving on - perhaps both. Unless you are happy with the way things are, and I don't see that as being the case, you are watching your life go by day by day by day with the next day going just like the last. It's all the same. It truely is same Sht different day. You have the power and the ablity to break the cycle.

Just give it some thought. Please don't just jump in. I'm only one person with one suggestion. I don't want to be harsh on you, I just want to give you a bit of a kick in the butt. Something tells me it just is time. But, still, give it some thought just the same. And let's see what others have to say as well. Perhaps I'm fill of sht and don't know what I'm talking about. Perhaps they will agree and together will help you to get the job done. One way or another my goal for you is to not be able to say one year from now, "Maybe this will be our last Christmas together" Before you know it, you'll have gone through far too many Christmas seasons - none of which you can ever get back.