I don't know what to do. We are busy at work today, and only half a crew again. One lady called me at home this morning that she had an emergency last night and would be late. Then mid morning her son shows up and said the cops showed up in the middle of the night with a warrant for her arrest. Told her if she turned herself in early this morning the judge would talk to her and let her go. So she did, but the judge won't talk to her until Tuesday. That sucks, why would they do that and then they lie and lock her up over the holidays? she has a 10 year old daughter at home yet. Now she's no criminal, I suspect it has something to do with bad debts from when her husband walked away from their marriage. One day he just didn't come home anymore. When you look at other people, it helps your own life look different.
I did txt a time or two with H, I asked if he still had his old ski boots, he said no they broke, and I asked him where to buy new ones. No response.
What I still don't know, or it just hasn't been beat into my brain yet, is what is his reason(s) for leaving? for walking out? for leaving our life? He has told me I am a good person, he has said good things about me. But in anger he has also lashed out and spouted off. I just don't know, should I say anything? should I keep quiet and just go nuts and watch him walk away? Is he crying out in need of something from me that I am not giving him? something that he can't ask and I don't know? do I need to tell him I can forgive the past, we need changes to move on with our future. If we could just talk, we've both forgotten how.
I have to admit, when I saw those classifieds, the first 1/2 a second feeling was relief that I would have peace in my life. Immediately followed by the ramifications of my changing life. Not too rosey, at least to start.
His public face? I don't know, maybe he's reached a point of dealing with the public. Kids are all 1000's of miles from here, he doesn't have to face them. In some ways I am surprised that he would stay in this state, that he wouldn't relocate back to the west. Maybe this is his first baby step.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
