What BF and others don’t seem to grasp is that some people just don’t care for sex. They insist on trying to convince you that your W really isn’t ND even though she has told you that she is
I have no problem believing that a person can be ND. I believe your wife is ND. I do not think CeMars wife has a true form of ND more of brought on form of NDness based on statements he has made in the past. Some reasons may be hormonal and some based on there relationship/mindframe. But she did have a sexual nature at one time. She is still willing to have sex from what he has posted but it is duty sex in his opinion. He has even stated that his wife does O durring intercourse. (That to me indicates more of a arousal then desire type person).
She has said in MC that she hates men. She has said, very specifically, that sex is “gross”. She has made countless comments in reaction to movie and TV characters that underscore her statements. She has said that she never gets horny and that she wouldn’t care if she never had sex again.
I have said all of these exact same things plus a thousand more. I said them so often that I truely believed them myself. But ahhh I am not ND as we all know. I am not even truely LD. I actually have a very sexual nature. But I am very LD in my relationship and my negative thought process was allowed to out weigh my sexual inclinations. I don't want to have sex with H after he just screamed and cussed me for all I am worth simply eqaulled I do not want to have sex. Not interested and so forth. But truth is I am fine with sex I just don't care to have it with someone that is mean all the time except when we are having sex.
This is not your case I know but with CeMar it may hold true. Not saying he is mean subsitute that with. I don't want to have sex with someone who sat on the couch all day. Drank 10 beers or anything in his behavior that his wife may find as a turn off.
Cemar states there is no EC in his relationship. Cemar states that his way of forming EC is sex. Yet he also states that is not how his wife forms EC. And that he is not interested in having sex with his wife without the EC.
Simply put there is no EC outside the bedroom which means his wife has no EC to bring into the bedroom which stops him from recieving what he is really seeking in the bedroom activities. Meaning the problem lies outside of the bedroom IMO. Mind frame can be a huge stumbling block.
This dynamic lives in my household. I have no EC with my H outside of the bedroom. Now with my new attitude I can have sex but it still amounts to no EC. It is purely sex. CeMar has stated this is not what he wants. He wants the sex and EC also in the bedroom. Seems to me he either needs to start forming a EC outside of the bedroom or settle for just sex.
She loves me very much. She is very desirous of physical closeness. She’s very affectionate. She loves snuggling/cuddling. She kisses. She holds hands. She is probably the world’s biggest massage fan. Hugs are enthusiastically given and received. None of this sounds a bit like she’s turned off by me or by my relative level of masculinity, confidence, self-assurance, or whatever. The problem is that none of this translates to sex. She likes me just fine; it’s sex that she doesn’t like.
Sounds like she loves you and adores you. But is really just a ND person. Who is comfortable with the fact that you have accepted her as is.
And I have yet to see anyone even attempt to answer your very legitimate questions about how the HD partner can cope with ND from their spouse.
You have a ND wife. Which from the way your talk you get frustrated with but you love. So how have you coped all these years? I think love, beliefs and ones persona are all determining factors in how one would cope. And in truth alot of us would fail at this so how could we advise on how to do what we cannot do our selfs.without it being nothing but hot air? You and Nopkins would do better to offer a answer then alot of us here on the board who have sex frequently even if it is not quite as much as we would like or a little to often.
You just seem to radiate anger and entitlement
The entitlement is what gets my goat at times. But it is also what keeps me reading his post.
The common wisdom here seems to be that if you speak to them in their LL, if you fill their love tank, then they’ll just naturally want to reciprocate
I don't truely believe in that concept. I believe it can delude the other persons vision of how you feel. I mean if they are in happy camperland it may take them a long time to realize that you have not pitched your tent right next to them.
This is not what I want and I’m not happy about it. But it is helping me deal with the pain.
Bottom line is it is a way of coping but as you already stated you know it is not going to make you happy. So that is going to help you how in the long run?
