I dont disagree with you. There are ND people, there is no panacea for someone who will not work with you.
There is a self admitted lack of boundary control, confidance and asserting needs here by most posters. I talk to them and offer them specific advice on a topic I know. It is also a place to start working on themselves.
but none of your ideas will work for me. I dont believe I have offered any to you, ever, or at least in a long time. I didnt think I could help when I read your sitch. I emphatically thought that after you posted the NPD. Im sorry I have no help for your sitch.
Ironically, you got great advice and directions to new education because of that thread. I sincerely am glad that you have come to acceptance, since you have made your choice on the matter.
I will say, since you choose not to leave ZB, and I do respect that, have you tried ANY of the boundary setting and 180's people have offered? What have you got to lose? It was good to hear about the affection part of your R, I had no idea it was so extensive.
I am going to talk about the Nops for a sec, because they are a mutual frame of reference. Hypothetically speaking, If Mrs Nop was ND and still to this day had no desire for sex, but was merely 'acting' for the sake of her marriage, Would Nops efforts and actions be without merit? Would it be 'BAD' for Mrs Nop to have this physicallity that she had no desire for? Would his 'selfishness' be doing her a disservice and harming her? IMO, in this hypo situation, his strength and assertiveness would be good for her. It would be doing what she needs, pysch-wise, health-wise, marriage-wise not necessarily what she Wants. Behaiviour can be changed, new habits can be started.
We have a right to enjoy life. If our spouse chooses to not be a part of that endeavor, stops being our teammate, our helper, our partner, we have a right to move on in our endeavor.
IMO.
There is no Honor in being or allowing ourselves to be disrespected.
A woman will never feel attraction for someone who she can disrespect, or who allows her to do so. Cemars W was passionate at one time. She was not ALWAYS ND. That makes your and his sitch different.
