Thank you for taking the time to reply to us/me Cemar. I appreciate it. Its very frustrating to have a conversation with a non responsive participant. I havent been ignoring you, (or chrissy) you just require more thought to reply too.
I have listed my Full needs before and people said this would be impossible from a very LD women. So I have created a starting point that is as stripped down as possible, and
Do you know what jumps out at me from this? Despite others -who have no clear idea of your sitch- saying its impossible you said
Quote: hopefully I can work it up from there.
Why are you hopeful? Something is there. What is it? These are the things I see in your posts that speak of a strong undercurrent of a passionate cemar, but in withdrawal, and your biting comments to me seem to be fear of coming out of it.
Fighting us is effort in the wrong direction. your tough though putting up with my jabs, and jokes and sarcasm. No doubt your tough.
If you truly believe she is ND, and this is something you are not able to deal with, (completely understandable) that it was understood implicitly or directly stated when you got married, IF you feel that she has broken her marriage vows to you, then why dont you divorce? If you refuse to divorce you are eliminating pretty much all power you have. I dont recommend negative pushing in general, but you cant bargain with nothing.
If you Choose to not divorce, for your sanity and for any attempts you may try, get rid of your envy of your peer group. It is killing your mind set. Resentment and entitlement will never make your W 'FEEL' anything positive towards you. Her 'FEELING' positive is essential, vital, to intimacy. Of any type. Since she is not here, Im not going to talk about what she should do, could do, etc.
I NEVER complain about the way she looks, SHE does
I believe you work out from your comments. Have you tried to include her? Could you get her to go on a bike ride with you once a week to start? If you are in this for the LONG haul, stop looking at the hurdles. Every journey begins with a single step.
When she complains about her looks have you ever considered saying 'yeah ok what are you going to do about it?' Have you ever considered educating yourself and her on nutrition? Take a class together, -say- 'I care about OUR Health, I want us to learn to take care of each other better.' This is leading and being a team. its a baby step.
IF you believe your wife is unequivocally ND, then stop being hopeful. Accept, or move on. two choices. Pick one.
