I am far from dominating. All I have done is try to figure out what I want from my marriage. Do I impress this upon her, no. But I do know that in the long run, certain things are NOT compromisable. And believe me, I have lowered my needs to the absolute lowest level possible (probably lower then most men would actually tolerate).
Quote: You chasing after something you believe to be improbable or impossible seems illogical to me.
The things I want from my wife DO seem highly improbable. But I bet they do for MOST men in my situation. We certainly have seen NOTHING on these boards to change that perception. Maybe I need to stop thinking ahead.
Quote: How close are you to hateing her?
I probably should not say I hate her. We both are indifferent to each other, the opposite of love. This is completely natural since we both seem to not fill each others love tank.
Quote: Finding the balance of leading and and being strongly confidant,
Just curious as to what this really means, how am I going to lead her out of her issues. I have come to believe that I can ask her for changes, but how she changes must be left up to her and I must stay out of that issue. Also, if a man is truly confident and married to a LD wife, would that not mean that he would be confident that he could do better, which eventually means that a confident man would LEAVE his LD wife. I have actually seen this a lot in my place of work.
Quote: You talk about EC but you never mention how you and your wife are friends, what activiites you do share, how she is important to you, what makes her tick, what she cares about, nothing remotely Emotional.
Funny, everything I have talked about on these boards is EC. It is MY EC, it is not HER EC. But apparently, we are to ONLY address the EC needs of the LD spouse. I know that my wife and I have little EC. She wants trust, financial security, conversation, a father that spends lots of time with his children, a man with confidence, a man that just wants to be her companion (you know, just accept her for being LD). I am working on ALL of these things, but probably no as hard as I could. But not one of these things will build EC for me. I have no idea as to how to make it understandable to her as to what my EC needs are (and I have tried). The HD women on these boards actually get it, but RARELY do the LD women ever get it.
Are my wife and I friends, probably. Do we share activities, no, except for the family stuff (and there we are incredibly busy). Family is FIRST to her, above marriage (which is always damaging to the marriage). How is she importatn to me? Well, originally, she was VERY physical with me, she was atletic, she was intelligent, she was sexy, and she was very likeable by EVERYONE. What does she care about, family. Everything is for the family, she wants me to be this way as well.
Quote: Does she control your happiness?
That is a huge question. Effectively, yes! What happens with sex starved men, they become iritiable and unhappy. I try to avoid this as best I can, but it is darn near impossible. As one well known counsellor says, women are responsible for their husbands emotions. A lot of truth to that. Now I know that everyone says to GAL away from the spouse, and that can help, but these are all MINOR parts of life. My jog is not going to make me happy, my hobbies are not going to make me happy, my children are not going to make me happy, my friends are not going to make me happy. What makes me TRULY happy is having a lover. Everything else is just a small piece of my happiness. I suppose that many people can go through life without a lover and be happy, but for me, that is a huge hole to fill in my life right now.
