I am so sorry. I, too, have problems "letting go" of o.w. thoughts. Ask anyone here. I totally understand how you feel about H. quitting. I can tell you that if my H. had only come to me and said, "I'm unhappy" I would have moved mountains to change our marriage and make it better for the both of us. He said nothing, and instead had/is having an affair. I am slowly realizing that although nothing hurts more, there isn't anything I can do to stop it. He is in control of his own actions, just like your husband is. I have to keep refocusing on me, although it is very difficult to do that when you are in so much pain and all you want is your husband to come home. If I were you, I wouldn't worry right now about thoughts regarding him having to throw away gifts from her, etc. That isn't going to be productive at this point, because you aren't really there yet. If the time comes then you can have a talk with your H. and tell him that this is what you need from him. Don't give up. I admire your determination and strength. You can do this; we all can if we keep helping each other here.
Hugs.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
