Requiem for a Black Swan (aka Stigmata)

[Stigmata]

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Then she should set her own standards and live up to them. It isn't up to Stig to set them for her. It's not up to Stig to make her feel qualified. It isn't up to him to make her feel anything.

Stig was simply speaking for himself. Stating his standards. That he'd love her no matter what. Doesn't mean he can live with her or stay married to her... maybe it does. I dunno. That's up to him.

- YesYes Corri. This was my intent. This is my dilemma currently. Argh, talking about self!! Nein! Harumpf. My dilemma b/c I love this woman almost unconditionally. I say almost b/c I've had dogs and I know the difference. LOL. Anyway, I can't separate her from say a family member; one who screws up all the time, steals, druggie, boozer, criminal. They are your family and you love them for their faults, even if huge. Well, she was mine.

That was the intent of the line. She had me. She had all of me. Don't know whether she believed it or not? Argh, not thinking straight. If I contradict myself take it as such.

My inventory is self, self-preservation. My self-respect threshold is in very very close danger to being crossed. I have been disrespected in all of this esp. via some of the hurtful things she said to let me know it was over. And I really don't stress if there's an OM2. I will assume it from the setup I see. I will not, however, tolerate lies.

I had been taken for granted. She admitted such. But it's 50-50 and I forced her hand leading up to it via harboring resentment and trying to control...with massive doses of hugely unattractive insecurity and weakness thrown in.

I am weighing the scales currently and will mete out a decision at some point. I need to winnow the grain of truths from the chaff of lies and I will not stop until I do so. Stop what? Shrug. Caring I guess is the answer.

Argh. White noise is getting louder. I don't even know if I'm being coherent right now...

Gonna hit continue button and think calm mind mantra. All good.

-Stigmata-