Bullseye, LFL. Got me dead to rights. I keep falling into the trap of expecting everyone else to share my standards. People have different standards. Some have no standards. Yes, this can be the kiss of death. Never expected my H to up and leave. Thought he had my standards, til death do us part, blah blah. Shocked me, that's for sure. My whole perspective on us, on me, on him, on life in general shifted. Still off kilter, maybe always will be. But that's ok. My blinders are gone. I can see much more clearly now even if what I see is painful. I think that might be why x is afraid of telling me truths. She knows I have never hesitated burning bridges, razing the Earth, and salting the soil so nothing will ever grow there again. Probably why I have few friends Exactly why I suggested trying the "friends" approach. She may think she is cut off from you now and therefore, you are a lost cause. Why even try reconnecting? Stop seeing black and white and look for the grey. Your pride and stubbornness will bite you in the butt in the end. I can't process being addressed by her in such detached generic terms. And it happened so fast. One second term of endearment, next-Stigmata etc. So cordial/businesslike now. Like I'm a networking contact in that fakey way of address. I want to reach out, shake her and just say, "would you cut the sh*t already?" But I can't. Alien. Ugh. Boy could I relate to that. H and I NEVER call each other by our real first names. It sounds so weird when we do it. We always call each other "sweetie". When he left we both had to make a very conscious effort not to do that and often failed. That was painful too. But, like you said, they are/were in alien mode so... She will be what causes this whole R to hang in the balance. At this point, you are absolutely right. You can DB your butt off and if she is just not receptive to it, you're SOL. No control. Totally frustrating, maddening, blech. That's why you need to GAL and maybe even start to move on. This is the exact time my H came back to me. May not work for everone but when I totally stopped pursuing he pursued me. Go figure. I hope you are doing ok. I'll be thinking of you over the holidays. You'll get through it. Hope you keep posting too. I'm taking a lot out of your posts so I have selfish reasons. But hopefully the LFL perspective will give you some level of support, insight, empathy as well. Hang in there.
