Requiem for a Black Swan (aka Stigmata)

[Stigmata]

urghhh God Damn you ladies. x is a tauraus. I am a scorpio, x is a dragon, I am a rat. x is a poet, I am a warrior, we were son of a b!tching, MFing Soul mates...BANG BANG BANG bang ban ba b Ihateher Ihateher Ihateher

ow. my head. guess not. she didnt think so at any rate.

- My x went AWOL OM at 27; 31 this year. Something about that age range in Fs. I don't know who she is right now. Rebellious. P-Child R. Point of even asking me what she was hungry for when ordering food. Emotional immaturity. Your x will regret. May take year or 2 to sink in. Know mine will b/c I heard "hope I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life" line 2x already. Some piece of her locked down psyche is sending out this SOS IMO.

Do you have anything new to teach me, or are you just a negative image....

The anon, I dont care, never have.
I know chromo, I didnt out him, and I was thinking of changing my handle to my real name and posting a website in my bio where I can be 'verified' as being a lauded tech instructor... Maybe owner will see linking and come here, stop philandering and try to save his marriage and son from D.



I never let someone else have that power over me and I don't think I will let that happen again--which is a real shame IMO because I will hold part of me back from now on.

BS. You let her betaize you. Thats your fault. She didnt honor and respect, when you fell on your face. Thats hers.

- yes. Barely Beta. And 0 boundaries. She took my laissez-faire "go have fun w/ whomever you want; I'm not concerned" att. and ran...and ran.

my need is having a woman who Chooses me. I can get attraction, I fear it. Its not "love". Like LFL said women want to slam me like beer. I want to be wine. Nop says remove layer of player suit. I say I am a guard dog hiding in wolf skin . x mistook wolf in guard dogs skin for me.

- Tough line to walk, eh? OM in my case was a "bad boy." Why? Beta. Bambi. Also, he was ext. clever. Undermined me to her every chance. Sucked her in.

Do the analogys ever end?

- only if we allow it.

Your too focused on money. that insecurity is causing its own outcome. Stop caring and your woman wont either. That is in your head. YOURS.

- Big part of Betaizing self. Inadequate. XX tastes on high,high,high end.

They want to feel. They want to be cherished. they want to 'know' you.

- Or so I believed. Said I'd love her even if she became toothless bag lady. She was in disbelief. Said "are you crazy?" Don't think she gets it. Sigh.

My x was with me 8 years, doesnt know poop about me.
Whose fault is that, heres for not digging, or mine for not giving her sand to play in instead of granite to blast and drill through?

Hmm. Toughy. Harder to extract yourself from other when you feel part of the inner sanctum. Easier to give up (relatively) when you feel like a guest at the club.

My sitch, no communication over hidden resentments (there's that damned word again). Also, happens to everyone. No more mystery. Know all of each other's stories. I accept rationalize it; she thinks it signifies no more juice can be squeezed from the orange IMO. (more analogies!)I know her NGF is tweaking her attraction centers for extroverted virile alphas with whole backlog of interesting stories. Not to mention addictive personality.

O my f'ing lord. (sorry, Jesus, not you; more in vassal/fiefdom vein) look at the time. Today is not going to be a good day. This holiday crap is already not making me sleep much....beddie-bye.

-Stigm.....zzzzzzz.....