Hi Stigmata
Sorry you are suffering so much. You do have a way with words though. You and BF are eerily similar in your styles. He noted as much in his post to you. I hope you stick around and find some support from the fascinating people on this board. You already admitted you are drawn to this board so might as well go with it. Although we don't tend to associate with recessive gene MFers Ok, have to make a few jokes here and there. It cheers me up
Back to serious business though. I want to make an observation, related to your style (and BF's). Both of you tend to take an all or nothing approach to your R. She's either all in or she's out of your life completely. Am I wrong? I'm just thinking that maybe trying the "friend" approach might be necessary at this point. Ease your way back into her life again. She clearly wants that, inviting you to the party, calling you at the hotel, making comments about being impressed with your "persona" etc. I know it sucks. I've been there. H wanted us to be "friends" when he up and left. It was so hard and didn't always work out. But we are at least trying to make it work now. He's back home and let me tell you, last spring I would have bet my life that we were done. Ya just never know. But you know what, the only thing that worked on my end was GAL and STILL remaining somewhat friendly with him. He knew I was dating, moving on, not turning into a crumpled pile of self-pity on the floor. Not attractive for men or women. So that's all I've got right now. Let her in some, even if it hurts. I know the holidays are going to hurt. Last year was hell for me. I can empathize with you. Post away, vent, talk to friends, do anything but be totally alone. It's not good for you right now.
I'll make it through this, right?
 Yes, you will. Without a doubt.