I can't tell you anything that will make it better. Only time can erode it enough that it becomes manageable.
As for soul mates, that is nothing more that brain chemistry. Love is a choice. Real love is what you do when all the feelings are gone. Your X either didn't understand this simple truth, or she lacked enough character to see her through the hard times."
--NOP, thanks for the words and bearing with me. Had to get it out. Used to internalize. It's what I did after the A. Couldn't thought-stop and unloaded on x 4 years later in a withering fusillade of invective. Biggest regret I have.
About the brain chemistry. I think x loves being in love (one of the "Break Free" archetypes). Feels "no spark anymore" she said. Did you guys read this? It literally just came out a few weeks ago; new discovery. Scary in my sitch. Don't know how to post clean links so will paste the intro and the URL:
Sources/sourceReuters Updated: 12:51 p.m. ET Nov. 29, 2005
ROME - Your heartbeat accelerates, you have butterflies in the stomach, you feel euphoric and a bit silly. It’s all part of falling passionately in love—and scientists now tell us the feeling won’t last more than a year.
The powerful emotions that bowl over new lovers are triggered by a molecule known as nerve growth factor (NGF), according to Pavia University researchers.
The Italian scientists found far higher levels of NGF in the blood of 58 people who had recently fallen madly in love than in that of a group of singles and people in long-term relationships... http://msnbc.msn.com/id/10252428/
"The thing for her, is that she will do this again and again until she either learns the truth or grows tired of the chase."
--Sigh. I think it's the chase. I was the only M in her life she ever had to chase. She was always the one being pursued. I know this is a factor. Her personality is a M magnet like I've never seen...ever.
"My mother finally figured it out a couple of years before she died. I hope that your X learns her lesson sooner rather than later. Either way, make sure that you learn what you need to from all this experience and pain. It is possible for you to come out of this wiser from the experience, although you will be a bit worse for the wear and tear."
--Better late than never I guessfor your mother, but feel for Ms she may have lost unnec. And, yes, I am learning a great deal. I never had long term Rs and that's a downfall. And never read R literature. Fooey. Thought it was for self-help addicts and greedy authors. Wrong (in most cases). Now know the warning signs etc.
"Hang in there, the old silverback will come out to play soon enough. The time is soon to come that you won't think about her or want her back. She will start chasing you again at some point after that. You will have to decide what you want then."
--Oh yes he will. And I've already questioned wanting her back. No R talk since bomb and I don't initiate. Could I have a child with someone who is a flight risk?
"Do get back to the heavy lift. Get cut and fit. Take it out on the steel. Get a new man back in the process."
--Yes. Did that 8 years ago during very stressful time in life; throwing cast iron around. Ended up having to buy whole new wardrobe. Won't go quite that extreme this time.
All the best, -NOPkins-
--And all my best to the NOPs too ;-)
-Stigmata-
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
