dafty, this link you posted is incredible! I encourage everyone to go there and read the article. I've heard this stuff before but never in quite this clear, blunt way-- this is just the beginning of the article
Quote: Falling in love as a choice
"One of the biggest areas in this culture that we are trained to relate to from a victim perspective is in relationship to romance. To paraphrase the quote from my book above: 'it is necessary to change the way we intellectually view romance in order to stop being the victim of the old tapes.' We learned that romance was magical - that finding our prince or princess was a destination to reach where we would live happily ever after. We learn about "falling in love" as if it were a camouflaged hole in the sidewalk that we just happened to fall into."
"It was vital for me to start owning that falling in love was a choice I was making - not some lightening strike that I was powerless over. As long as I was reacting unconsciously - not owning that I had some power over the beliefs I was empowering and therefore the feelings I was set up to experience because of the perspectives and expectations those beliefs created - then I was in my codependency and powerless to make choices. I was then doomed to end up blaming her for not being a magical princess and/or blaming myself for being such an ugly frog."
"The reality is that I have choices in life, and I need to take responsibility for the consequences of those choices. If I choose to get involved with someone romantically, the responsibility for any emotional reactions are mine - not the other persons. I may feel like the victim of her behavior, but I can tell myself the Truth - which is that I am responsible for the feelings because I was the one who choose to give* her some power over my feelings."
_____________________ * And go on choosing every day... Lil's note
