Because of the separation, I learned a lot about sex and about myself. My H hesitated when we first became physically intimate at the beginning of the separation, saying that I might have unreasonable expectations. And I did. I thought that if I was patient, Dbed, learned to be the kind of lover that he always wanted but didn't have because of my insecurities, that he would want to come home and really work on the M.
This didn't work. And I hurt myself more by doing it. The sex was fantastic. But he didn't respect me. I was casual sex to him. Though we were legally married, we were having sex while he was pursuing other women, while he was looking for a soulmate, spiritual partner, lover, teammate, someone to spend his old age with. "We both enjoyed one another" he said to me when I told him that it wasn't right to be in a sexual R, but not a committed R.
I know now that it can never be right unless both people agree (and mean it) to a physical R with nothing else. Please imLIN, think about it. By doing this you may be hurting your chances of getting him back. Though feminine women usually bond through sex, masculine men usually do not, and they are capable of doing it with more than one woman without any kind of bonding or commitment at all.
Be careful, and read all you can on the subject. If I had detached from my H after he first left, I wouldn't still be hurting the way I am after 9 months of separation.
It seems that you've been separated a long time, I feel you would be better off looking for another person to begin an R with. You may ultimately find someone who wants only you and you might fall in love with him. And if your H believes that he may really be replaced, he might find it's harder than he thinks. Who knows?
