Quote: What worked for my WAH is the fact that he left and wanted someone else. I finally realized how much I love him. (from another forum )
Rere, Just read some of your posts ( all over the place) from the last month. I find the concept of little sex between the W and H prior to the break up and then the w wants to be sexual after the H leaves. I feel like I am/was in the same position.
What I would like to hear from you is how do H/men get this message over to their W/women without leaving.
What could your H have said that would have changed your attitude about the R before him moving out? I am not about to move out right now, but I have been at that threshold several times.
I see other marriages in a similar situation to yours but the men have not moved to the separation stage. The guys are working on the R but the women are not changing their attitude much. My W thinks she is too old for much of a romantic/sexual relationship. I realize no one can make anyone else do anything they don’t want to do.
I have been given the advice “tell her, tell her, and keep telling her. Some of that has worked but I think my W feels entitled to more from me and others than is practical. I am not prince charming and she is not a princess in a fairytale book. We have been married 36 years.
(the older one) said he wanted an exclusive relationship with you and you indicated you would not have much/any contact with your H. I don't think you are being honest enough with him. Maybe he is ready to quit dating and you are just starting to date. Please investigate this more. It's OK he is in a different place. He has feelings and goals too that need to be considered.
How about saying "Hi, I am Rere, my H left me X months ago but we still see each other." "I don't know what my future with my H will be, so can we ( the two of us) just keep it light for a while."
I am not for anyone (date) controlling you but being vague or deceitful is not the way to go. Be honest with all guys you think you can trust. If you don't want to tell what your intentions are, say you can't tell them now, maybe sometime latter when you are more serious about the R. When you are not truthfull you have to undo the white lie. I don't think telling one guy you are not contacting your H but you stop by his RV is on the up and up.
If the guy is asking lots of questions about you and H, don't lie. You don't have to tell all of the details but don't string the guy along either. If he wants to move on, that is his choice or are you the only one who gets to make choices. You can say "here is where I am at now" and let the chips fall where they fall.
Maybe this guy is the right person for you but maybe not right now. Maybe you are not what hee needs right now. There are other people you both can date now and later. Take your time.
Quote: And I WILL take things slow. I plan on giving him enough hope that he'll still want to date me, but I'm not ready now for an intimate relationship with him.
Good attitude about not being ready!
Quote: I came home, put the roses in a vase, wrote a little on the forums, cried some, and then called my daughter in Charlotte.
Sorry to see you in pain but I think it is part of the process of separating. It's too bad you and your H can't work some of these things out in “get real” “here and now” type of counseling.
