So what do you do if you're implimenting NC and you actually have a matter that you need to discuss with your H?
You make the necessary contact and take care of business, and only business.
I was in No Contact for about a month when one of my ex's customers happened to call here by mistake. I held off contacting her and finally decided that if I didn't give her the message that someone called on business, she might think I'm intentionally trying to be spiteful, and I wasn't trying to be spiteful, so I emailed her one line only, stating simply that so-and-so had called for her.
Well, she emailed back with an hour, delighted to hear from me. Enthusiastic. Relieved that I would have contact with her. She wrote something like, "I've been thinking about you all this time!" She emailed back and forth for some time after that. She wrote that she hadn't contacted me because she was thinking that I didn't want to hear from her.
At first, I thought, "gee, she got the wrong message from my being in No Contact." But then I realized the positives: my being in No Contact made her think more about me, and seemed to have her realize her feeling that she didn't want to lose touch with me.
