and told him I didn't want any more contact with him.
I think that was a very good move. This cakewalking that WASs do has to stop. It's one thing to have the WAS sleepover and ML when there is no third person involved and you're trying to reconcile. It's quite another when one does the "wifely duty" with someone who's involved with someone else outside the marriage.
Now comes the hard part for you, sticking to your resolve. Since you've backed down before, my hunch is he'll think it's just a matter of time until you back down again. Well, surprise him this time around. By staying on course, you'll establish equality rather than him having the power over the relationship with you.
He said "Just because I won't spend the whole Christmas weekend with you?"
He's either playing dumb or he doesn't get it, or he's trying to reframe your premise.
I did mention the OW several times in the restaurant, even told him I knew who she was, but that I would not get in touch with her. He denied it was the woman. Any advise is welcome!!!
Or they deny that there's someone else, or in the face of irrefutable proof, they tell you "we're just friends", or in the face of further proof, they tell you "it was just that one time", or "she doesn't mean anything", and on and on. In your case, he denied it was the person you claim it was. What does it really matter if it's Ms. X or Ms. Y or Ms. Z, anyway? Basically, it's like a dog chasing its tail. You know what you know, that he has an OW, and you know enough to know. Now, by going no contact on him, you let go so that he can't get what he wants from you, and more importantly, you can use this time to build yourself up and focus on yourself. He'll use the time to seek his fantasy and probably find the grass isn't greener. He'll also now be able to build up feelings of missing you, and perhaps dig deep into himself to figure out what he really wants, which he couldn't do before.
