Much later, some has changed much has not !

[DavidA]

We alone can not fix or control anything except what we do.

Hi Jay,
Quite right you are. We can only control what we do. We can choose to turn our back on our disturbed X spouses and leave them to find their own way or we can face them and not play games and simply treat them as we would treat them if they were still a valued member of our family. " Turn the other cheek" so to speak. I don't know about you but I sleep real well at night and I don't have ghosts haunting me about treating her badly or ignoring her. She can choose to accept my kindnesses and affection or not. Her choice. I know I can't fix her and I know I can't make her try and fix herself. I have not closed myself off to new relationships but I am not running around and making it my lifes ambition to find a new partner, yet. I still have a 15 & 17 YO at home to take care of and finish raising so I have my hands full anyway.

Just a quick story. I had physical with the old time family Doc last summer. He's in his 80's and has known our family for decades. My 17 YO daughter is the last baby he delivered. I had lost about 40 lbs and was thinking about quitting smoking and just needed to get checked up on as I had lost that much weight due to stress over the divorce. I told him my story and he was quick to respond he would have thrown her out quick and never looked back. Then I turned the tables on him and changed the story a bit. What if she had cancer instead of a mental illness what would you do then ? His answer wasn't quite the same. So as you can see situations like this do pose quite a moral dilemma to those of us who are directly affected.