Much later, some has changed much has not !

[DavidA]

This is really not a good scenario. I've known women like this and no matter who they are with they bad mouth them to potential other men. I don't think that it is a good position for you to be in. I've also know women who speak of abuse of some sort that never occurred. You are taking what she says at face value. Women that want to cheat usually do paint their husbands as an ogre. She likely painted you as an ogre when she was wanting a divorce.

I'm no expert but I believe she is BPD. Couple that with hormone imbalances and an MLC and you get one mixed up lady. As far as her husband goes he is an alcoholic who has already abused 2 wives. He and his reputation are well known by many of the people in our families and friends which is why it is so difficult for all of us to accept what she has done. You are right the whole sitch is a bad scenario and it would be the smart thing to just walk away from it all.

Like it or not, he's her husband and deserves the chance to make it work. Sorry for that, but this seems like dangerous ground you are treading.

Being a husband means more than having a piece of paper. I respectfully disagree with you that he deserves the chance to make it work. He doesn't deserve anything, especially from me. My X is Catholic and was raised and lived the faith for most her life. According to her church we are still married. She hasn't even started annulment proceedings yet. So as you see the plot thickens. I'm not activly pursuing her. I'm showing her the love and kindness that she has walked away from. I am taking care of our kids without any help, physically or financially from her. I'm doing it with a smile and hoping that someday she will get some help and maybe see what she has left. Who knows maybe she will see it and still not want it. So be it. But in the mean time I'm not going to ignore her because of respect for her new husband. I've been through 2 years of IC and my C doesn't seem to have a problem with my attitude towards my X other than the fact he hates to see me not finding someone who is more emotionally my equal. More later, falling asleep..
David