Sorry you didn't get a lot of feedback. I'd like to address what you wrote.
Quote: She constantly floats in and out of contact and accepts my many kindnesses and gifts. Complains about her new husband and how abusive he is and how unhappy she is in her situation.
This is really not a good scenario. I've known women like this and no matter who they are with they bad mouth them to potential other men. I don't think that it is a good position for you to be in. I've also know women who speak of abuse of some sort that never occurred. You are taking what she says at face value. Women that want to cheat usually do paint their husbands as an ogre. She likely painted you as an ogre when she was wanting a divorce.
Quote: She then said I will take it home and think of you every time I light it and "he" doesn't have to know where it came from. Now tell me, does this sound like the thoughts and words of a sane person who dumped her husband and remarried and has a better life ? If she has these feelings for me what could possibly be holding her in an abusive relationship where she is miserable ?
David, this will sound harsh, but I truly feel you need to let go completely and not pursue anything with your XW. If you were both divorced, but still single, I would encourage you to at least see if something could happen between your XW and you, but as it stands now, I have to say that trying to be the OM to a MARRIED woman is not fair to either your XW or her new husband. Do you know for a fact he's abusive? For all you know, her husband could be on this bb talking about how he thinks his wife is possibly cheating on him and asking suggestions on how to get her back. Like it or not, he's her husband and deserves the chance to make it work. Sorry for that, but this seems like dangerous ground you are treading.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
